AMERICAN IDOL-Week 1

Well I, like many Americans who DVR/TiVo the first half hour of Idol to rid yourself of commercials, had no clue of the Top 13 because my DVR cut off. Simultaneously my Black Berry was going crazy with people texting me asking about who made it since their DVRs had also cut off and as if I can totally IM Ryan to find out what happened. I did not know-Caitlin had to tell me. It was kind of like the final episode of The Sopranos where I threw a virtual fit thinking the cable cut out. So the big Idol surprise, in true Idol-cheesiness, was there would be a Top 13 saving Anoop-a-Loop. I mean it's a Top 13 for two hours-by tomorrow we are right back where we would have been had there only been 12, the only difference is Anoop will more than likely stay. I don't know if I have mentioned my disdain for Kara (*cough*) and seriously someone needed to tie that bow a little tighter (see Kristin) to shut her up. Ugh. The only good thing about not extending Idol another week to accommodate 13 (which they cannot do anyway because it must end with May sweeps but I digress) is this is one less week of Kara and hopefully one more week closer to Nigel and all the folks at 19 Productions to realize the mistake that is DiaGuardi.

I didn't count pitchy tonight because I have decided my new game will count how many times Ryan says the word ITunes. I think those fine folks at the aforementioned 19 Productions get paid every time it's mentioned. Look for that next week (I am sure you are eagerly wishing it was already next Tuesday). I also don't have a specific Randy-ism (such a slacker tonight), because I have a Randy-quirk-ism. What is with the questions? Here is Randy tonight, "You know what dude? You know what I like? You wanna know? You know what it is dawg? You know how it is for me? You know what's up" And sometimes he just doesn't answer the question either which irks me because I knod of want to know "what it is."

Michael Jackson night. Love MJ. Not the whole touching a child/Neverland ranch MJ-but good old fashioned MJ. No matter what computers can do, "Thriller" will never be duplicated-ever. I also have a flashback story for you. I was a camp counselor I think at age 16. For the final talent show, my sister, her friend and I made up a dance to "Will you be There." I was the counselor for the 10-12 year old girls. Needless to say the girls were so awesome they invited us to the town wide show. I continued this the following year to Coolio's "Fantastic Voyage." Mel will never let me forget my choreography to the Free Willy song. Now into the commentary:

Lil-those pants! It's like a cross between Jessica Simpson's God awful waist high jeans and Z Cavaricci's gone horribly wrong. And in white! I could not even concentrate on her singing because I was horrified for her. After tonight she should go have some serious words with someone from waredrobe.

Scott-I really have nothing to say other than he sang a really nice inspirational song and I think he is very talented.

Danny-I heart Danny. I may love him more than MJ from last year. I love how his glasses totally match every outfit like Sandra Oh's character in that old HBO series Arli$$. I feel that if Preston ever need specs he would have matching ones for each outfit too (of course-my mother would have it no other way). I also am a huge sucker for a man in glasses so Danny gets my vote. And since Paula already predicted him in the finals...

Matt Sarver-Nice singer, nice voice. That pretty much sums it up.

Jasmine-Loving that dress even though if I wore a dress like that I would look like a pregnant yak. She reminds me of Brandy a lot. Thoughts?

Kris-Preston totally wore that shirt to school today. As he was singing I turned to my mother and said, "They will either love him or hate him. If they love him they will say he is like Jason Mraz." BINGO! Randy said it! Kris reminded him of Jason Mraz. I mean if they needed another judge I could have been a shoe in over DiaGuardi. Loved when Simon said he should not have shown his wife. She was pissed!

Allison-I cannot believe her voice for 16 years old. You know what was so cute tonight? All the proud parents in the audience. I cannot even imagine how they are feeling. When Preston went potty for the first time I jumped up and down like a chimpanzee on a bad LSD trip so I can't begin to imagine if I saw him belting out some good ol' MJ on the AI stage.

Anoop-Anoop was one of the only contestants that had no sad story, no cruddy upbringing, just an only child of two pretty well off parents as evidenced from the manicured backyard he shot his video from. It could have been staged-perhaps there was a car on cinder blocks in the front yard. He did sound karaoke, but everyone loves them some Anoop so I am sure he is safe.

Jorge-Might be going which is a shame since his family just reunited due to Jorge's Idol fame.

Megan-She is like Barbie if Barbie got serious ink done. Her dancing is so much worse than mine and I have mentioned I suck. She reminded me of Mike Meyers in the beginning of the Austin Powers movie with all the jerky movements. And did anyone catch that she "cawed" at the end of the song? I did not think robins cawed anyway, let alone rockin' ones. I also love that Simon asked Gordon Ramsey what he thought. You know they couldn't give him a microphone. He'd be all like, "Bloody hell, she sucked f'in s%@# you know?"

Adam-I like this guy. I think he is really cool. I also love the song and I remember watching the premiere of the "Black or White" video. If I recall Michael did this awesome video then jumped on a car and smashed it with a bat. Caused a lot of controversy. Then I think he morphed into a panther.

Matt-The Micheal Buble/Justin Timberlake look a like. I personally give him props for also playing the piano. I took piano lessons for years and never could I play anything from memory. And sing too. Although no one wants to hear my singing. Really. Even those who love me most.

Alexis-made Cat happy singing "Dirty Diana" (saw your FB status while watching). She screamed a lot of the song. I also had a pair of short black velvet shorts from Express once. Back when I had a body that would allow me the opportunity to wear such articles without fear of utter embarrassment. Oh Preston you are so lucky you are flippin' adorable.

So there it is. My predictions-Jorge is gone and possibly Jasmine. See ya next week! Oh and for good measure here is the picture of the patoot.