Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Preston Idol

Here is Pres singing "Take me Out to the Ballgame." It's usually sung without any prompting from me, but camera pressure takes over when I yell, "action!" I figured you have not had a Preston video in awhile!

Monday, August 24, 2009

"He Loves the Mud" and my Tailor Sucks

So my mother goes to pick up Preston today and he is in his cubby clothes. When asked why his outfit was changed she was told, "Oh Preston was playing in the mud. He loves the mud." Fantabulous. I love paying in excess of ten thousand dollars a year for Preston to play in mud. Some would say, "Oh he's a boy. Boys like mud." But seriously, this is supposed to be school. This is supposed to be a time when kids are taught outdoor recreational games like "Red Rover, Red Rover," "Duck Duck Goose" maybe even "Simon Says," in addition to some playtime on the equipment. I have a real issue with my son playing with mud during school hours. Do you know what lurks in mud for all those mud-loving advocates? Parasites. Lots and lots of parasites. And if your kid gets a parasite everything must be disinfected and the whole family on antibiotics. I'm not naive. I know Preston picks up dead worms, runs through the garden, splashes in puddles. Yet when he is at school let's try something more stimulating then playing in possible feces-lurking bugs. Maybe during art class he should pick his nose and glitter his boogers.
O.K. sorry about the rant. Take a breath-here comes the second. We are T-minus five days until the wedding and I pick up my dress from the tailor. Holy hell, I could have done better than this and I have a lot of difficulty threading a needle. She sewed in cups, diagonally. So my right side is higher than the left and there is a huge gaping valley of material in the middle. Oh and the cups not only are lopsided but have two tiny protrusions in odd places. So tomorrow my mother will drop off the dress, she can remove the cups and I will have to be re-fitted. Total nightmare. Otherwise I hope Katie likes long black gowns because that is what I am wearing. ARGH! Perhaps if the damn dress store did not insist on ordering me a size that would fit a Giants linebacker we would not have to do this much resizing. Preston's blazer arms are perfect length-almost. I just don't have time to have the sleeves lengthened the 1/4 inch. You heard me....lengthened. Surely that's ludicrous. Who has an achon child that goes to the tailor to have clothes lengthened? AHHHHHHH!!!!!

Other than that though things are honky dorey. I really am looking forward to the wedding. Even though right now I have nothing to wear. Oh and I haven't written my maid of honor speech yet. I work best under pressure so it will probably be written Thursday night. I would like to incorporate some humor. You know something hilarious like when my ex tells me he's made his child support payments.

So far my hair has been highlighted (very blond) and trimmed, Preston got a really great haircut and my pedicure is complete. Still have to wax my eyebrows. I let them go an extra week to get a nice arch but right now I resemble Bert from Sesame Street. Here are a few pics of the dude. Wish us luck driving to New York. Preston is not happy about driving. He told me, "Mommy the car does not have wings. We need to take a plane." A little spoiled?

Sunday, August 16, 2009

I Have Nothing Other than my Son is Cute

Nothing too exciting has been going on. We have had no impromptu hospital visits which I suppose is fabulous, although Pres will need his tonsils out. I don’t know how much I trust getting that surgery done in a center that has not dealt with a fair share of achon kids, so I think I will call Hopkins and see if he can have it done there-once again with good ol’ commercial insurance I am sure they will oblige. What else, what else…My ex has decided child support does not have to be paid yet this month…perhaps because the state told me that persons paying usually have thirty days according to the court order. I told them just how wrong they are. being a lawyer admitted in not one but two states, I am pretty confident that when reading a notice of settlement that states in black and white “one or before the first of the month” does not translate into anytime one wants within thirty days. I mean unless I skipped the course in law school entitled “Making S&#$%T Up.” I also told them I don’t get thirty days to pay tuition. They have realized the mistake and hopefully that can be taken care of for next month. ARGH! I took my computer to Best Buy. Katie totally broke my computer when she was here once (although she will vehemently deny same) and so I hand over the computer to the Geek Squad to perform yet another “diagnostic" and found out my motherboard is history. The word “motherboard” amuses me. It sounds like a term out of a bad alien outer space movie. They were able to recover all my data. The funniest thing about the data recovery is they hand you your computer’s hard drive on a CD in a folder that says “CLASSIFIED.” I mean, I guess, if you consider Preston’s life in pictures classified. So here are some things we have been up to:

Here’s the dude posing in front of his puzzle. He is going to graduate to harder puzzles as he puts these together with ease. I was a HUGE puzzle maker and my mom always took a picture of me by a puzzle after I completed it.


Here is my new favorite pic of the dude and I…


Preston has also taken a liking to riding the stationary bicycle my mother has in the kitchen. It’s just for show and doesn’t move but I think Preston believes if he tries hard enough…it may move.


Preston loves his Octopus Play Doh set. He had a blast playing with it. Even loved the little fish I made for him obviously…



And in TWO weeks my little sister is getting married. I cannot WAIT! It’s going to be so much fun. Here are a few cute pics of us together!

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Thursday, August 6, 2009

My Attempt to Be Funny After A Not So Good Few Days

Argh. Friday afternoon I pick up Preston from school and was informed he had fallen earlier in the day off a bike and hit the back of his head. OK. Thanks for phoning me. This is followed up with, "And he is saying he doesn't feel well, but he ate and slept." I pick up my son whose cheeks are magenta, his shirt is stuck to his body with so much sweat I may rip the top layer of epidermis off peeling it off and his hair-well let's just not even discuss it. Meanwhile it's about 97 degrees outside and there is not a drop of water to be found anywhere. I think Preston might be looking at me but to him I look like a giant Poland Spring bottle. And just in case you are not sure, I am kind of an alarmist. Like Web MD is bookmarked on the computer. I secretly wish I was a doctor and not a lawyer, but I would be akin to Dr. House-think an ailment is the worst possible communicable disease and then it turns out to be an infected splinter. Anyway I check the pupils, equal in size, no bump, he is hot because he has been out in the virtual desert-but I conclude we'll take the "wait and see" approach.

Saturday morning. Texted Tonya. We go back and forth and agree he's ok. All's well. We go out for a walk and that is where the day takes its turn. He comes home and presents with a 102 fever. Dammit! Who gets fevers in the summer? I start the alternating Tylenol then Motrin and he takes his first shot of Motrin. Then the complaining starts. "My head hurts Mommy." And he is touching the back of his head where he fell. So I go to the computer (my medical almanac that so far has correctly told me I have five forms of cancer, an ocular tumor and a possible case of leprosy, but what the hell-let's give it a shot). Of course I find the article about the child in the ICU with a closed head injury who subsequently developed a fever and massive infection.

We head to my home away from home for hypochondriacs-the ER. Luckily it's pretty empty on a gorgeous Saturday, I do a quick pan and conclude there are no other psychotic mothers here. He gets triaged. This is always fun. I sometimes wonder who taught these triage nurses or if they just picked people up off the street and gave them complimentary scrubs. They look at Preston (not me who is 31 and can fully give them an appropriate answer) and ask him if he will keep the thermometer under his tongue. Naturally he says "yes" as I say "no" and for some reason his answer is much better than mine so they attempt and end up with the thermometer under his armpit. They say he has no fever. Miraculously he went from 102 to 97 during the ten minute drive. We get put in a room. I talk to like fifteen people. They look in his ears, throat, listen to his chest and stomach. They decide they will do a chest x-ray because they hear some congestion (once again ignoring me telling them that his Eustachian tube is smaller and he always sounds like that). They brush me off-after all every lay person knows vocabulary that is taught to an otolaryngologist. I consent to the CT only because I feel there could be a correlation between the fever and the fall. We go into the x-ray room first, then the CT room where Preston is told it's just a giant donut machine to keep him calm. I am thinking the way these people have been today I believe they really think it's called the giant donut machine. I make them look me in the eye as I explain that the radiologist must read the scan differently because he has achon and his foramen magnum will look like a keyhole not a circle, his ventricles may be different, he has a slightly larger head. They are still not impressed with my vast knowledge and ask me instead "how do you spell that?" I want to say " you tell me," but instead spell yet another medical term and think about holding a seminar here.

And mind you his temp that they took under his arm and told me was normal? Yeah not so much. Because everyone carries the ear thermometer in their bag while going to the ER right? I take it and it's 102. I make them come in and do it rectally. Sure enough 102. I totally should be a doctor.

Long story short, everything was fine, including a urine test to check for a UTI. Nothing. Virus. I hate the virus. It seems to never go away. He breaks the fever Sunday night, goes to school only to have them call me on Monday afternoon that his fever is up. The Preston mantra is now "My head, my tummy, my back" when asked what hurts. Off to the pediatrician. Another urine test, a flu test and an ear check. Negative but the left ear looks a tad red. Oh and he was dehydrated- SHOCKER! We start antibiotics. right before the first dose we begin the fun of a stomach virus coming the other way. GREAT! Spends Tuesday with my mother. Poor thing is having "cramps" as he says. Then comes the mysterious red in the bowl which at first my mother and I are convinced is the red Gatorade he has been drinking. I am on the phone with the doctor and this time there appears to be dark red in the bowl. She tells me to go back to the ER!!!!! I leave a note for my mother who went out (to totally buy Preston a toy) and now I know she is going to freak when she gets home. My damn Blackberry is almost out of battery power at this point because after two e-mails the thing dies. On the way I am convinced he has a parasite from the nasty traveling petting zoo that came to school. What else could be causing infectious feces? (Oh I concluded it was infected because I am the pretend doctore here).

We spend three and a half more hours at the ER. For some reason we get in before everyone else-which I am pretty sure has to do with my commercial insurance that they know they can bill each time they have a useless person come in the room. Oh and in this hospital they have a special insurance person that comes in. I told her I just gave all the information on Saturday and nothing had changed. Ready? Here's the answer- "It takes four weeks to show up on the computer." I cannot even answer this. I just hand over the card. Because she is staring at me with an insipid smile. Like that actress on Meet the Parents who plays the stewardess and won't let Ben Stiller on the plane. Maybe I should post this entry in four weeks-it's here I just will not hit ENTER!

We are triaged again and again Preston is asked to put the thermometer under his tongue. I don't even correct them this time. It's more fun watching them struggle. Somehow the temp registers anyway. They make him a bracelet. He won't wear it. He tells them to put it on Mommy. The nurse is fighting with him. I grab the bracelet and slap it on. I tell her Saturday they let me wear it. She starts to go on about policy-meanwhile they still can't spell achondroplasia. I'm totally bringing flashcards next time. This time there was a very fun rectal exam for Preston and a tummy x-ray. So now I am checking to see between the x-rays and the CT if Preston has a glow around him. NOTHING!! Nothing was wrong. I now totally feel like we are on House, minus the Vicodin and the cane. He spent Wednesday with his father (who told me he could not watch him on Tuesday because he was ill). This of course infuriated me because I recall many a times watching Preston when I felt like a sack of crap because it was either take care of him or let him rot in a crib. I digress. No more antibiotic, no more over the counter meds, no more bathroom runs. He was happily back in school today. And told me tonight he needed a banana because "it helped make the diarrhea go away." Can we apply to med school now?

And to top off I got to deal with the Geek Squad yet again from Best Buy. Of course my motherboard went. And then I dealt with Apple and the reciprocity of the ITunes library to other computers, but I seriously cannot even get into that right now. I will have to save it for another time as I have probably bored you to tears. I will leave you with some pics of Preston making cupcakes prior to the Saturday ER visit!

Sunday, August 2, 2009

Dear Family and Friends….

I know you mean well.  I understand you see a toy for your first born nephew and think, “a train set, that’s looks great.”  It comes in a big box so that’s bound to elicit a lot of fun just opening it.  And it sat in NYC since Christmas because you cannot bring it on a plane since it is the size of a small island.  Last week due to my fear of getting back on Jet Blue after my “almost crash” (I know dramatic…) I drove back to VA.  So I brought all the very large toys back to Virginia.  Preston had three huge boxes and picked the train set as the first toy to play with.  Of course. 154 pieces.  Great.  Unlike my sister in law Anna, I do not have a degree in engineering which you really need to put this together:


Can I tell you how proud I am that I put this together all by myself (pause to sing the song…I know you want to)…Yes those are circular loops over on the top middle and bridges and tunnels and decals.  This was the end result:


Which I understand is the reaction you were going for, but please think of little ol’ me when buying a toy larger than oneself.  So thank you Uncle Charlie, Aunt Patricia and Cousin Nicole-the gift was a hit.  And I broke a sweat putting it together.  I will gladly accept donations into the college fund though this year….