Wednesday, February 25, 2009


First off-who saw my hot boyfriend Michael Johns on the results show last week??? So exciting! Here we go-we had some changes tonight-all the judges switched seats and spoke out of turn which annoyed me. I like order to my critique session. Ryan wore a Simon black tee-but since I have outed myself on Facebook and you all know of my secret Ryan crush-I liked the black shirt.

Tonight's theme was "Wrong Song Week" apparently. The contestants were allowed to chose any song that has ever been on the Billboard chart...ever. EVER! This was a pretty lenient category. It was not like they were presented with having to chose a song from the Flock of Seagulls Greatest Hits Volume I album. The Billboard charts...ever. Like since nineteen fifty-friggin eight! That is a lot of songs. In fact-there have been 972 different songs at the top of the charts alone. (I totally Wikipedia-ed that). So there is no excuse for the choices made tonight. If you cannot find your song here than you are hopeless and should go home. Ok, I do admit that the judges are hard to please-pick a ballad song you are "safe" and go out on a limb and be told it was the "wrong song." I get it. But perhaps run the decision by your mom or your best friend-get some one's opinion before you go out to sing Maroon 5 and sound like a moron.

Back by popular demand from last year: pitchy count was 2.
Randy-ism of the night: "Blow it out the box." Now figuratively-well this is a family blog so we will not venture there because it is just that wrong, but in layman's terms, Randy meant-knock their socks off kiddos!

Before I critique, I would like to deal with an observation I have: can the contestants please refrain from holding up the requisite number of fingers that coincides with the number America is to dial? First off because once you get past ten it gets awkward for the person in the 11 and 12 spot and two, because when Ryan says 1-866-IDOLS-01, we don't need the contestant to hold up one finger like we are 18 months old. We either heard Ryan say "1" or we can read the number 1 on the screen. We don't need the third reminder. Give us some credit.

Let's get to it-shall we?
Jasmine-I think she picked "Love Song" because Kara or Paula mentioned that song to one of the contestants last week, telling them they should have picked it. So Jasmine thinks, this is a great way to get a good critique. Too bad she sucked at singing it. I personally hate the song and always have because of that obnoxious monotonous drum beat that follows the entire song. I liked her too but I think she sealed her own fate by picking this song.

Matt-or as I refer to him, the bizarro Michael Buble. I was actually disappointed to hear he picked Coldplay because I just feel that's a group that is so distinct and you just cannot duplicate their sound. I was right and this too is a shame because I think he has a good voice (and played a bitchin Casio keyboard too in Hollywood week).

Jeanine-or as I referred to her as-Leona Lewis' not so hot younger sister. Here is the aforementioned wrong song choice pick. I don't care that "This Love" is your favorite song-if you cannot sing it, then don't sing it. What if your favorite song was "You've Got a Friend" by James Taylor. Would you risk putting the whole audience in a coma just to sing your ode to James? And this brings me to other Idol quotes that irk me which Jeanine said after her performance:

1) "Can I have another chance?" WHAT????!!??? What was that last one minute thirty seconds of national air time? That was your chance. You just got to sing for upwards of 30 million people. You get another chance if America put you on mute and voted for you on your legs and lip implants, otherwise that was your chance.
2) "I want this so bad." Right because the other 35 contestants are in this for laughs and giggles.
3) "I have been doing this for so long." Wait-you stood on line, tried out, went to Hollywood week and now practiced for a week. So you've been at this whole Idol thing for all of 15 days. Everyone has been singing since they were little. Hell-I've been singing since I was little-that doesn't mean I am the next American Idol-although I am totally better than Jeanine and I am, in the words of Simon, "God awful."

Norman Gentle/Nick-I blame no one for this but the judges. They put him through. Welcome to the next Sanjaya. He was funny in the audition. Now I feel bad for Anoop.

Allison-She cannot string a coherent sentence together that has both a subject and predicate, but she sang pretty well and will probably get through. Paula pulled out an old line from last year "You can sing the phone book." I want someone to totally whip out the Yellow Pages and start singing. Mix it up a little. Start at "D" and sing all the dentists.

Kris-Cute guy, good voice but I do not like anyone singing classic Michael Jackson but Michael Jackson. And since Michael Jackson no longer has a nose, I like listening to Michael Jackson's past recordings. So much wasted talent and crazy brain cells...

Megan-Rocking the Carly Smithson arm tats, she is a super pretty girl. I don't get her performance though. It thought she was horrible, off key and it was like watching someone getting tasered but the judges loved her!

Matt-"The Welder" Totally think instead of singing Tonic, in keeping with his welding background he should have belted out a mean "Gloria" or "What a Feeling." I like his voice but watching him I was thinking would anyone ever be on Stub Hub trying to score sold out Matt Breitke concert tickets? I mean really.

Jesse-Let me get this straight-she is that skinny and she had a child? Ok granted her child is eight, so that means in five years I should look that good in jeans? Awesome. Oh and she did a decent job but I don't think she is going through.

Kai-Rocking the Eric LaSalle Sol Glo hair from Coming to America. I thought he was really good. The judges tore him apart. I am so not in sync with the judges tonight. They need their old chairs back.

Mishavonna-There is so much wrong with this performance it is not even worth writing about.

Adam-The more feminine Pete Wentz. I like this guy. His range would suit him as the lead role in a Broadway show. He is really likeable. I had issues with his dad though. Not like the issues I had with Archa-loser's dad last year, but they show Adam's dad and he looks like that typical dad that wants their son to play football because they are going to live vicariously through them and there was Adam like-I am going to dye my hair, wear gold, and stretch out my earlobes and dammit-I can sing! So go Adam.

My picks are Adam, Allison and Megan or Kris for the cuteness factor. Also you can download these performances on ITunes. Some of these performances were so bad Apple should pay me to put them on my IPod. Until next week.....

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Ok Mom-Time to Come Home!

So my mother went to visit New York this week. She left on Wednesday morning and is coming back Tuesday morning (with my Aunt Pat too-soooo excited). When mom leaves certain things naturally happen-I pretend I own the clothing in her closet (except her shoes-damn my big feet), I pretend I own her pretty sweet Mercedes and I sort of pretend I own this house. So the fantasy is fun, but after 48 hours of just Mommy and Preston completely and utterly alone, I am ready for mom. Preston is ready for Grandma back. I am a single mom and have been one since Preston was six months so this should be easy right? Well----when I was living in New York Pres and I were alone during the week, but he had school and I had work. On the weekends we would go to the Island and meet up with friends, I'd have my family, my sister, my brother, my sister in law. This weekend even Jordana was tied up so it was Pres and I. And this house is pretty big and there are noises. Every time I hear a noise I jump. Meanwhile I have lived by myself before! I am being a sissy-I just really miss my mom.

But we did have a blast together and I love this kid to pieces. Yesterday we went to the park and we were going to feed the ducks. Problem was there were also scary Canadian geese and even scarier gross looking seagulls. I have a serious fear when it comes to birds, so we did not feed the ducks, we observed them with Preston telling the very loud duck to, "Be quiet and no more quacking." We also hit up the playground for a bit but it was very chilly. Lunch was at Five Guys. We went to Barnes & Noble to read stories and Preston spent the last few bucks of his birthday gift card from Aunt Pat on Charlotte's Web. Loves the movie and they do the death of the spider quite tastefully. She kind of closes her eyes. I don't think he gets that Charlotte bought the farm (no pun intended). He just thinks all the animals talking is hysterical. Today we went to Super Wal Mart, then we played outside again. Preston loves exploring and calls a section of my parents' backyard his cave-which is really a spot between two dead bushes.

We had a few tears at daycare drop offs this week once my mother left. The teachers and I think it's because he saw my mom leave and is afraid I'm leaving too. He has been surgically attached to me this whole weekend-I get about two minutes to take a shower before interruption and I have to sneak off to use the loo-so I need my mom so I can actually shave my legs again. Although isn't it all worth it when he says: "Hey Mom? I like you." Well gee, Pres Pres I like you a lot too!

And here is Preston crawling on the floor where he plays with his Thomas trains.

Today at the store a woman approached me. Preston was in the shopping cart in the big part with all the groceries. I was figuring that I was maybe getting a size question yet she asked me, "Can I ask you something? How long can he sit like that? Because I am watching him and he is not sitting on his bottom!" Preston had assumed his Jorge Posada (NY Yankee catcher) position-you know the crouch without sitting. I smiled and told her he had double jointedness and you should see him stand up without bending his knees! She thought this was amazing and told me not only does he have some skill but he was super cute. That made me smile. Good ol' achon tricks!

Tuesday, February 17, 2009


Last year I started the blog at the Top 12. I have been getting some nudging to start a tad earlier (ahem-Katie, Renay, Mom). So here we go America. The first twelve in the top 36 competed tonight. Now of course we have had some changes this year-the addition of a fourth judge. I'm saying it-don't like it. Didn't like it when I first heard the grumblings last year, don't like it now. Here is my problem. Kara is like Paula without the happy pills slipped into the Coke. She doesn't really have a role or a purpose. Randy is the "dawg" the one that calls the women dudes and tells the guys they "can blow" (I mean really) and wears watches that are as big as the clocks Flava Flav used to don around his neck, Paula is Paula and Simon is our voice-Simon says what we are thinking. So really I don't understand where Kara is supposed to fit into this whole shebang. Not to mention that after seven seasons without her there has never been a nosedive in the ratings. I mean how would America handle a resurgence of Dunkelman?

One thing I am trying to decode this season is what Randy really means. See when Randy says, "Interesting song choice," he really means-"Mother of everything holy and good what in the hell were you thinking picking that one?" Each week I will try to find a new "Randy-ism."

Here is a quick rundown of who we saw tonight:

Jackie-WTF on the outfit. I mean really-the Lance Armstrong spandex, the polka dot tube top, the awful bubble gum machine guitar charm. And I now cannot get "A Little Less Conversation" out of my head.

Ricky-How bad did you feel for this guy? It's bad enough you have to have your parents sitting in the awful red shrine to Coca Cola, but then to wear those ridiculous Braddy Bunch tee-shirts? Hope they are not putting in any more orders on those shirts because the only order they should be putting in right now is to Jet Blue to go home. Nice voice but truly not star material.

Alexis-I think she will go through. Love he little pink wings, her adorable little girl and her voice. She reminds me looks wise of Nikki McKibbin from Season 1. And was it just me or did her dad look like a bloated version of Meatloaf? (Great now I have that bad Meatloaf song in my head, "Two out of Three Ain't Bad." Which by the way is one of the most demeaning songs ever written-"I want you, I need you but their ain't no way I'm ever gonna love you." Did someone ever hand Meatloaf a mirror? Does he believe he is such a prize that women would give it all to him even without the love? He may want and need but there probably ain't no way he is ever going to get anything anyway. Dude you ain't Derek Jeter here. Pompous, pompous Meatloaf). Moving on....

Brent-Nice looking country guy-I totally could have done without the laser light show in the background. It reminded me of the background in my 8th grade portraits except instead of orange, the lasers were pink and blue. But I mean after all it was 1991 for Heaven's sake and a tad more forgivable. This guy also depressed me because he is married to a bizarro looking Erica Hahn (think Grey's) with a bad perm. So depressing since I still have not found a boyfriend. (I did however score a GREAT new job this before men....)

Stevie-Listening to Stevie sing I thought to myself-I am confident that I sing better in my car when I pretend to be the next American Idol. Stevie-Bah Bye.

Anoop-Ok so channeling one of my favorite movies, Old School, I have decided that my nickname for him is "Anoop....Anoop-a-loop." I mean come on when he first walked into auditions you totally thought he was going to bust out singing like Apu from The Simpsons. And then he sang and you were like dumbfounded. If he returns though, an eyebrow wax may be needed but he is darn good! I mean he sang Bobby Brown. They hate when you sing Whitney, but by all means bust out with her husband's joints.

Casey-Every little note she sang was tragic. (And BTW-I totally thought of that joke while she was singing and Randy ripped it from me)! Poor Sting is at home still horrified over that performance and wondering if he was drunk when he signed over the rights to the song to Idol. She is so cute too-needs a little more weight on her though. She has like a Preston sized noggin on that little petite body. And one thing I just cannot deal with is the fake hugging from all the other contestants after she was ripped a new one. Let's be real people. It's like if there was a winning lottery ticket and you could either win the office pool or win on your own you know you don't want to share with the office. I understand once you are in the Top 12 or 10 and you become good friends and roomies and all, but now-please you barely know each other's names. This is also a good time to remind everyone how useless Kara is. Now we have to sit through three people sugar coating things to get to Simon who bluntly tells you that you suck.

Michael-I like this dude. He works on an oil rig and I am obsessed with the price of oil barrels daily. I thought his Gavin DeGraw song choice was horrible partly because I utterly hate that song to the point pencils in my eyes seem like a better way to spend three minutes and partly because I like him singing more blues-y also. I love the new word the judges have too-"likeability." Kind of like Budweiser's Drinkability but a little more wholesome.

AnnMarie-Not too good, but man does she have awesome Pantene hair or what?

Stephen-Ok I have an issue with Stephen. My issue is this-it was specifically stated in Hollywood week that if you did not remember the lyrics you are out. Gone. Done. Finished. You won' even cut it on Wayne Brady's show. Not only does Stephen forget the lyrics, he walks off the stage and does not even perform! I also love how all the contestants were singing along with the music-just in case he forgot the words he could look up to his fellow mates. He was awful.

Tatiana-I don't even have words. What I think happened is she watched herself on television and wanted to die. See this is why cameras are not in college bars. Because if the drunk chick after doing the walk of shame was forced to watch herself on camera she would probably never go out again and hang out in those weird coffee shops with the emo guitar player in the patched corduroy jacket instead of slutting-it-up doing dollar lemon shots the next Thursday night. She looked like she just did not want to ever step foot on the Idol stage again.

Last but not least my FAVORITE-Danny. I may love him more than I loved Michael Johns. I feel like he has this competition locked. He is so sincere and so nice and I love his best friend with the face jewelry too. Go Danny!

All right folks my picks are Danny, Alexis and Anoop. Michael may be the competition for Anoop. We shall see!

Sunday, February 15, 2009

My Funny Valentine

What a Valentine's WEEK for Preston. On Thursday he had his school party which was so successful and there was so much food it flowed into Friday as well. We brought in stickers for each kid in the class! The school had parents buy Candy Grams to send to our children. Preston got one from me, one from Grandma, one from Papa, one from Aunt Tinka and Uncle Steve, one from Aunt Melski and one from Aunt Marrah, Uncle Lee and Baby Finn. I had everyone from afar write me an e-mail and then I pasted their words onto the candy gram. Saturday Preston was presented with two-yes two, one from me one from Grandma and Papa, bags of goodies. Thomas trains, matchbox cars, Little Einstein toys, a DVD, books, a tee shirt, stickers and of course candy!

The other thing Preston has taken to is the fake forced smile-totally taking after his Uncle Chris on this one....See below:
So the red shirt was all I could get for Valentine's Day. See now Preston has a lot of opinions and when he saw a shirt that I wanted to get that read "Mr Irresistable" he promptly told me, "I no like that Mommy." The look he gave me-you would think I asked him to wear a burlap sack! So alas only a red shirt. But I love doing this (because Preston is one of the older kids on these blogs) so here are pics of Valentine's past:
2006-Two months old.
2007-Fourteen months
2008-Two years old.

I am so mad I have no clue where that bear is that my mother bought for him on his first Valentine's Day-well I am sure it is in the storage facility with all my other stuff so I'll have to pull it out for next year!

We also spent a lot of time outside this weekend since it was gorgeous. We did a lot of "exploring" in the backyard and found pine cones, acorns, rocks, sticks and looked at the natural creek that runs across our backyard. I only took one photo on my phone and it is not great quality but here goes!
AND RENAY-I will be doing the Idol blog very soon! My favorite is Danny (a.k.a the Robert Downey Jr. look a like)!

Monday, February 9, 2009

Move Over Jordan and Your Hanes Ads.....

Here is the hottest new spokesperson for men's undergarments.... If Preston is completely embarrassed ten years from now he can blame his godmother who begged me to show her Preston in undies. I have to also get him in his hot Thomas briefs in full achon leg glory. Bite-able!

So I decided to post tonight since both House and Gossip Girl are repeats because the President is talking. Seriously the President needs to speak on like Fridays when TV is not in its prime for the week. I mean really. This weekend was also the first warm weekend since November. Needless to say I immediately pulled out the flip flops! So exciting! It was also time to drag Preston out to ride his scooter up and down the street. You know work off that holiday pound he gained. He had a blast with all the neighborhood kids who are all about 2-5 years older than him!
One thing Preston does not seem to want to do is look both ways while crossing the road. Not that our street is at all busy, but I was trying to teach him, upon getting to the Stop sign, we look and then cross. Instead Preston rides the same way senior citizens drive-that is, stop signs are optional and he is crossing the street regardless of what is coming at him perpendicularly. He was reprimanded quite loudly! Here are a couple of pics on his bike. One was from last week on Super Bowl where he is donning his jersey from last year's Super Bowl-or as I like to remember it "The Stompin' Out of Brady and the Pats." This jersey was bought by Uncle Chris who went to the Super Bowl last year-lucky bastard.

Please do not judge me that his Crocs don't match the outfit-he refused the blue. A fashion faux pas and so unlike Preston. Later that day he had a slight "accident" while my dad was watching him and my father let him pick out new pants-gray fleece pants! Didn't even argue with the kid. And let him out in public! THE HORROR! Preston was not on his A game. (Hee hee). Anyway have a great week everyone.

Monday, February 2, 2009

Two Times a Charm!

Here are two videos of Preston singing his days of the week song! It is adorable.