First off-who saw my hot boyfriend Michael Johns on the results show last week??? So exciting! Here we go-we had some changes tonight-all the judges switched seats and spoke out of turn which annoyed me. I like order to my critique session. Ryan wore a Simon black tee-but since I have outed myself on Facebook and you all know of my secret Ryan crush-I liked the black shirt.
Tonight's theme was "Wrong Song Week" apparently. The contestants were allowed to chose any song that has ever been on the Billboard chart...ever. EVER! This was a pretty lenient category. It was not like they were presented with having to chose a song from the Flock of Seagulls Greatest Hits Volume I album. The Billboard charts...ever. Like since nineteen fifty-friggin eight! That is a lot of songs. In fact-there have been 972 different songs at the top of the charts alone. (I totally Wikipedia-ed that). So there is no excuse for the choices made tonight. If you cannot find your song here than you are hopeless and should go home. Ok, I do admit that the judges are hard to please-pick a ballad song you are "safe" and go out on a limb and be told it was the "wrong song." I get it. But perhaps run the decision by your mom or your best friend-get some one's opinion before you go out to sing Maroon 5 and sound like a moron.
Back by popular demand from last year: pitchy count was 2.
Randy-ism of the night: "Blow it out the box." Now figuratively-well this is a family blog so we will not venture there because it is just that wrong, but in layman's terms, Randy meant-knock their socks off kiddos!
Before I critique, I would like to deal with an observation I have: can the contestants please refrain from holding up the requisite number of fingers that coincides with the number America is to dial? First off because once you get past ten it gets awkward for the person in the 11 and 12 spot and two, because when Ryan says 1-866-IDOLS-01, we don't need the contestant to hold up one finger like we are 18 months old. We either heard Ryan say "1" or we can read the number 1 on the screen. We don't need the third reminder. Give us some credit.
Let's get to it-shall we?
Jasmine-I think she picked "Love Song" because Kara or Paula mentioned that song to one of the contestants last week, telling them they should have picked it. So Jasmine thinks, this is a great way to get a good critique. Too bad she sucked at singing it. I personally hate the song and always have because of that obnoxious monotonous drum beat that follows the entire song. I liked her too but I think she sealed her own fate by picking this song.
Matt-or as I refer to him, the bizarro Michael Buble. I was actually disappointed to hear he picked Coldplay because I just feel that's a group that is so distinct and you just cannot duplicate their sound. I was right and this too is a shame because I think he has a good voice (and played a bitchin Casio keyboard too in Hollywood week).
Jeanine-or as I referred to her as-Leona Lewis' not so hot younger sister. Here is the aforementioned wrong song choice pick. I don't care that "This Love" is your favorite song-if you cannot sing it, then don't sing it. What if your favorite song was "You've Got a Friend" by James Taylor. Would you risk putting the whole audience in a coma just to sing your ode to James? And this brings me to other Idol quotes that irk me which Jeanine said after her performance:
1) "Can I have another chance?" WHAT????!!??? What was that last one minute thirty seconds of national air time? That was your chance. You just got to sing for upwards of 30 million people. You get another chance if America put you on mute and voted for you on your legs and lip implants, otherwise that was your chance.
2) "I want this so bad." Right because the other 35 contestants are in this for laughs and giggles.
3) "I have been doing this for so long." Wait-you stood on line, tried out, went to Hollywood week and now practiced for a week. So you've been at this whole Idol thing for all of 15 days. Everyone has been singing since they were little. Hell-I've been singing since I was little-that doesn't mean I am the next American Idol-although I am totally better than Jeanine and I am, in the words of Simon, "God awful."
Norman Gentle/Nick-I blame no one for this but the judges. They put him through. Welcome to the next Sanjaya. He was funny in the audition. Now I feel bad for Anoop.
Allison-She cannot string a coherent sentence together that has both a subject and predicate, but she sang pretty well and will probably get through. Paula pulled out an old line from last year "You can sing the phone book." I want someone to totally whip out the Yellow Pages and start singing. Mix it up a little. Start at "D" and sing all the dentists.
Kris-Cute guy, good voice but I do not like anyone singing classic Michael Jackson but Michael Jackson. And since Michael Jackson no longer has a nose, I like listening to Michael Jackson's past recordings. So much wasted talent and crazy brain cells...
Megan-Rocking the Carly Smithson arm tats, she is a super pretty girl. I don't get her performance though. It thought she was horrible, off key and it was like watching someone getting tasered but the judges loved her!
Matt-"The Welder" Totally think instead of singing Tonic, in keeping with his welding background he should have belted out a mean "Gloria" or "What a Feeling." I like his voice but watching him I was thinking would anyone ever be on Stub Hub trying to score sold out Matt Breitke concert tickets? I mean really.
Jesse-Let me get this straight-she is that skinny and she had a child? Ok granted her child is eight, so that means in five years I should look that good in jeans? Awesome. Oh and she did a decent job but I don't think she is going through.
Kai-Rocking the Eric LaSalle Sol Glo hair from Coming to America. I thought he was really good. The judges tore him apart. I am so not in sync with the judges tonight. They need their old chairs back.
Mishavonna-There is so much wrong with this performance it is not even worth writing about.
Adam-The more feminine Pete Wentz. I like this guy. His range would suit him as the lead role in a Broadway show. He is really likeable. I had issues with his dad though. Not like the issues I had with Archa-loser's dad last year, but they show Adam's dad and he looks like that typical dad that wants their son to play football because they are going to live vicariously through them and there was Adam like-I am going to dye my hair, wear gold, and stretch out my earlobes and dammit-I can sing! So go Adam.
My picks are Adam, Allison and Megan or Kris for the cuteness factor. Also you can download these performances on ITunes. Some of these performances were so bad Apple should pay me to put them on my IPod. Until next week.....
3 weeks ago