American Idol-Top 13

I truly thought that the exit of Simon would be the death of this show.  Who would have expected the exact opposite? I absolutely LOVE this season so far. People who have not been faithful watchers have returned.  To those that have followed my blog the past three seasons know how devastated I am over the exit of Kara as well.  We have had the emergence of the new judges.  Steven Tyler, who is still a fine piece of ass, despite as one of my friends on Facebook has claimed, “he is 136 years old.”  The emergence of Steven also means a lot more Aerosmith getting air time on XM’s 90s on 9-an added bonus to hear “Love in an Elevator” on the way to work. Jennifer Lopez looks amazing.  Seriously?  What is her secret?  She’s super hot. One of Mel’s fellow bridesmaids Lauren and I truly need to hire her make up artist for the wedding.  My dog Randy is the veteran, even though his cardigan tonight looked like seagulls crapped all over him.  Since there are 13 contestants let’s get right into it:

1) Lauren-She was my favorite coming into tonight but her performance really fell flat.  I’d never heard that Shania song, but the way Lauren sang it I could easily picture her singing at a State Fair on a stage in between the blue ribbon pie off  tent and the pig races. Shout out to my girl Cat for saying she looks like a young Candace Cameron! That is spot on!

2) Casey-I mean is there anything cooler than bizzarro Seth Rogen singing the theme from The Wonder Years?  I think not.  I also love that Casey is sporting the overgrown beard as if it is Week 12 of the NFL season and he is afraid if he shaves he’ll jinx the winning streak of his team.  Love this guy. He is a true performer.  Besides I have a ton of respect for a musician who brings a bass on stage to perform during Hollywood Week.

3) Ashton-I truly believe listening to a cat get slaughtered would have been less painful than listening to Ashton butcher Diana Ross.  Tonight was another time when I thought I was watching a different show because the judges were all about her, even saying she’s “growing as a singer.” Growing how exactly?  In suckiness quotient?

4) Paul- I like the sound of this guy’s voice.  It’s a tad James Blunt-ish.  On a totally unrelated to singing note, it is rumored that Paul spent $4500 on his Axl Rose “Paradise City” inspired white leather suit he wore during Hollywood week. I can think of something way better to spend $4500 (plus $500) on…like a Birkin bag. Jeez Paul. Priorities.

5) Pia-Wins for hottest shoes of the night.  If anyone can tell me whose they were, please dish because they will be the ones I wear to Mel’s wedding.  I am so excited she sang “All By Myself.”  That is one of those songs I sing…all by myself…in the car…loudly.  I sing all by myself because the aforementioned cat slaughtering and Ashton’s performance would be more pleasant to listen to than moi. 

6) James-  I want to like James.  Because on Facebook loves James. (I stalk you all to see what you say in re Idol by the way).  I think he has a great voice.  There is just something about him that makes me not love him.  My friend Karen is so in love with him I can feel that energy from her home in Maine.  To me he is an un-glammed Adam Lambert.  But yet not as good. I have to say I did love the George Michael inspired cross earring he was “Faith”fully rocking.  Especially on Ash Wednesday.

7) Haley-I loved her earrings and her dress.  My brother Chris just texted me from Arizona that he has a thing for Haley.  Not sure if my sister in law knows this-or if she cares.  I didn’t think she was boring.  It was a nice enough performance.  Her hair was a little too “prom-ish” however.  I’d post a picture of the hair I had at prom, but that would require me scanning a picture and that’s just too much at this EST hour. I don’t think she’ll stick around because I feel her personality is akin to a dish rag.

8) Jacob-Jacob’s Idol is R. Kelly.  Because clearly a person indicted for a sex scandal involving underage girls is the way to go in terms of looking up to someone.  I personally think Jacob is not good.  He may be “bouncing on 24’s” out of this competition in a few weeks.

9) Thia Megia- We all laughed when Adam Sandler said, “Her name’s gonna be Julia Goolia?”  because it was that ridiculous.  Thia is like a character from a Miley Cyrus-esque Disney show.  Certainly no one in their right mind is going to a Thia Megia concert right?  She has a pretty voice, I’ll give her that, but she doesn’t strike me as Idol. And where in Heaven’s name is this girl sounding like Michael Jackson.  My friend Matt stated and I will quote because it’s that good, “That was horrid. Somewhere Michael Jackson rolled over in his grave and yacked.” Followed up by my friend Tara’s, “I think that was the last time we will hear Thia Megia.”  The only thing that made me quickly forget Thia’s performance was the commercial I did not fast forward through for Bradley Cooper’s new movie. Because Bradley Cooper just may be the hottest man alive.

10) Stefano-Came out rocking the Fresh Prince of Bel Air high-tops and the Danny Zucco inspired jacket.  Took Stevie’s song and added a nice ‘Pump up the Jam Beat” or for my fellow New Yorkers-he “KTU’ed” the song.  KTU is one of those hyper dance stations with djs named Goomba Johnny who take any song and turn it into a club masterpiece.  Seriously.  They can take ‘Imagine” and pump it up. 

11) Karen-Selina still has a stalker.  Do you think Karen was giving Jennifer the eye like, “Bitch, I can sing this better than you.”  And Jennifer kind of let her know that she was a bit “off” on some of her notes.  You know Jen’s thinking, ‘Bitch, I sing it better AND I was in the movie.”

12) Scotty-When I hear Scotty sing I like to close my eyes and pretend it’s not some 16 year old singing, but some hot cowboy Brett Michaels look alike, leaning against a rusty pick up truck with a guitar and a three legged dog at his heels.  You have to hand it to this kid, that is some amazing voice.  Even if you are not a country fan you have to give him props.

13) Naima- Watching Naima dance was like watching a combination of myself trying to Zumba and Elaine Benis’ dance from Seinfeld.  It was that awful.  I did not think the Rhianna song was a good idea.  It did not fit Naima’s voice.  She did much better in Hollywood Week.

My picks to go: It’s a toss up between Thia, Ashton and Haley.

 

I’d LOVE your thoughts!