American Idol-Top 12

This is my favorite theme ever. The hopefuls sing from the year they were born. To overshadow how this theme could be depressing (seeing that some were born when I was a high school junior), I get to research the top songs of each year and pick the song (or this year, songs) that I would have chosen for each hopeful.

Naima- 1984. What she sang: “What’s Love Got to Do With It?” What she should have sung": “Let’s Here it for the Boy.” Naima’s issue this week was how to take this Tina song and make is 2011. What happened though was, she didn’t make it to 2011. She stopped in about 1990, with the bad En Vogue background beat and hideous outfit choice. Had she thrown in some fluorescent paint splattered pants, graffiti-ed walls and an “eye patch” she would have had herself a TLC video.

Paul- 1984. What he sang: “Guess That’s Why They Call it the Blues.” What he should have sung: “Break My Stride,” “Infatuation” or “Magic.” Being that Paul really has a unique voice, the Elton song was not really working for him. It worked about as well as his mom’s 1984 blouse and Mrs. Keaton hairdo she was sporting in the intros. I was not sure I was seeing that “star quality” Jennifer was seeing-perhaps because he makes Paul also makes me dizzy with all the constant moving around.

Thia- 1995. Seriously? 1995? What she sang: “Colors of the Wind.” What she should have sung: “No More I Love Yous.” Her song choice was played at my then boyfriend’s senior prom as the slow song.I felt so OLD! She has a good voice, but I agreed with the judges that I was bored out of my skull. She said she didn’t have a lot to choose from in 1995. Oh honey-how could you overlook such chart toppers as “Tootsie Roll” and “Cotton Eyed Joe?”

James-Before James, Ryan apologized for putting Kate Hudson in the bleacher seats. As a Yankee fan that watched that beotch take up prime seating during the World Series in 2009 I was pretty happy to see her in those nosebleed seats. Anyway. James. 1989. What he sang: “I’ll Be There for You.” What he should have sung: “18 and Life” or “Patience.” There’s something about someone singing Bon Jovi. They’re not Bon Jovi. That’s the main problem. The other issue I had was him starting in the middle of the song. That irked me. It’s like when you turn on your car and you hear a song you like but then you realize it’s got about 30 seconds left and you do one of those Seinfeld-esque sighs because you’re just not going to get to rock out fully it on your drive.

Haley-1990. The year that brought you “Ice Ice Baby,” “U Can’t Touch This” and every girl’s fave song, Nelson’s “Love and Affection.” What she sang: “I’m Your Baby Tonight.” What she should have sung: Nothing. Ok. Ok. Fine. “Nothing Compares to You.” I feel Haley has a better slow song type voice. Off topic: Haley’s mom’s perms were pretty awful. Haley may still have a perm. I’m not thinking that’s her natural hair. It’s like Mariah’s in the “Someday” video. Perms were just not a good look. I had one. It was so bad I try to block it out, but I still see the Berlin wall that were my bangs. Anyway, poor Haley also had grandma lipstick (or maybe from 1991- Wet n’ Wild lipstick) on her teeth, chin and cheek and only Ryan was kind enough to point it out. Poor girl.

Stefano-1989. Stefano totally dissed on 1989. I mean the year of “Bust a Move.” And lyrics like, “Your best friend Harry, has a brother Larry, in five days from now he’s gonna marry.” And why was Young MC asked to be the best man? Why not Harry? I digress. He thought he had nothing to choose from and let me tell you Stefano, “Funky Cold Medina” would have been better than your boring song choice of “If You Don’t Know me by Now.” Last week he rocked Fresh Prince’s high tops, this week he was dressed like Carlton. He should have sung: “Look Away” by Chicago or “Waiting for a Star to Fall.” Dissing on 1989.So wrong.

Pia-1988. The year where you were able to pick a vacation destination based on the Beach Boys Cocktail song. What she sang: “Where Do Broken Hearts Go.” What she should have sung, “The Flame” or “Could’ve Been.” Listening to her and her parents talk makes me homesick. Those aren’t accents to me. Her earrings and voice were amazing. Her jumpsuit-not so much.

Scotty-1993. What he sang, “Can’t Trust You With my Heart.” What he should have sung: “Rump Shaker.” Joking. “Bed of Roses.” I think in this instance, even though he is not Jon Bon Jovi, his voice would have been cool on that particular song.

Karen-1989 What she sang: “Love Will Lead you Back.” What she should have sung: “If I Could Turn Back Time” or “Like a Prayer.” What she wished she could have sang: a J-Lo or Selena song if they were chart topping it in 1989. Steven brought in the best phrase tonight. He told her he likes her, “ethnic what-it-is-ness.” That was an original.

Casey- 1991 DRUMS PLEASE! (You’re totally singing “Summertime” now right)? From the year that brought you “Rico Sauve,” Marky Mark and the hippest acronym “O.P.P.” Casey sang, “Smells Like Teen Spirit.” What he should have sung: “Right Here Right Now.” When this song came out and the Seattle scene exploded faster than Brad and Emily’s engagement, there was no Musiclyric.com or what have you. (or cell phones…or caller ID…) I had no earthly idea what Kurt Cobain was saying, but it was the most raved about song and the video was played on a loop on MTV (when MTV had music). I went to Record World in the Walt Whitman Mall and bought my cassette and the CD (in it’s long non-Earth friendly cardboard box) with the naked baby swimming after a dollar and played it over and over until “my mosquito” sounded cool and not strange. Somewhere during this performance tonight, Kurt rolled over in his grave. I love me some Casey, but seriously Seth Rogen cannot do a good Kurt Cobain impression.

Lauren-1994. What she sang “I’m the Only One.” What she should have sung, “Stay” by Lisa Loeb or “Come to my Window.” I think that was a stronger Melissa Ethridge song. This was also the year Nate Dogg (R.I.P. was calling for the REGULATORS)!

Jacob- 1987. It would have been cool if Jacob sang, “Jacob’s Ladder.” But alas, he sung “Alone.” Not the greatest choice. From the year we were fighting for our right to party, living on prayer and walking like an Egyptian (so as not to disturb Luka on the second floor), Jacob could have sung, “When Smokey Sings” or think about this one “Head to Toe.” I think he could have covered Lisa Lisa.

Going home? Haley.