American Idol-Week 8

This show was so time strapped that I felt as if I did not even need my DVR. Five contestants, two songs each and the theme-Neil Diamond. I must say I was extremely disappointed that no one picked "Brother Love's Traveling Salvation Show" and danced a la David Spade in Lost &Found. Here is our recap.

Jason started the show with "Forever in Blue Jeans" and wore...blue jeans. What pissed me off was that he looks so much better than I do in jeans. His legs looked slim, he obviously does not have issues getting his thighs into them and his hips are not even a consideration. This never happens for me. I think the only thing worse than shopping for jeans is shopping for bathing suits.

Prior to David Cook's first number, Ryan told a story of having a station wagon (or stay wag) when he was younger. My parents had a blue stay wag when we were younger and the four of us literally almost drew blood to determine who would sit in that oh so safe back seat that faced the other cars in back of ours. The auto designers on this one really had child safety in mind didn't they? I mean did not one person envision the rear end collision? The possibility of multiple below-the-knee amputations? OK enough legal theorizing. David Cook honestly should just be crowned the winner now. I have an ulterior motive however for him becoming the American Idol. It has come out through the good people at TV Guide that David Cook is considering a duet with my main man Michael Johns. Anyone who supports the coming back of Michael gets my vote.

When Brooke sang "I'm a Believer" all I pictured was the final scene from Shrek with all the cartoon animals dancing and lip synching in the forest. Of course I could not take her seriously with visions of the gingerbread bread man dancing with Donkey floating through my mind. I also could not take her seriously in the denim version of the Seinfeld puffy pirate shirt.

Of course David Archuletta goes for "Sweet Caroline." I have some issues with this song. Well not so much the song as my issues with Neil. I liked it better when I did not know the song was inspired by anyone. When he finally broke his silence and told the world it was inspired by Caroline Kennedy I was cool with it. I mean she's a Kennedy for God's sake. But then Neil had to go on and say how he saw this picture of her as a little girl near a horse and she looked so cute, yada, yada yada and it suddenly felt a bit awkward. Think of the lyrics..."hands...touching hands...reaching out..." Anyone else feel a little AWK after that? He should have never brought up the horse. What annoyed me was the audience totally did not participate in the chorus so I sang along at home. Honestly this performance was so cheesy that it reminded me of something that would be sung on one of those after 7:00p.m. Disney Channel shows like Suite Life or Hannah Montana. Don't ask how I know about Disney after dark.

Syesha was pretty good but after both performances Simon thinks she'll be saying "Hello Again" to the bottom two. After her performance, Ryan gave the judges time to do a quick critique and this is where we found out Paula has lost it. She begins to critique Jason on both his songs, yet unless she has a Dolorean and traveled ahead fifteen minutes and then back, he has not yet performed. Even the audience was laughing and Ryan is looking off stage like, "WTF? Should we cut to commercial?" The judges thought Jason has lost the Jason from prior weeks. What I think is Jason has lost himself because Paula has stolen his secret stash and Jason is now totally stone cold sober for each show. Jason needs to toke and Paula needs to take her meds and the show will go on.

The second performances were OK, but honestly David Archuletta butchered "America." I really don't think the America card should put him through. Personally "America" is one of my favorite songs and of course is on the IPod. There is something so patriotic and awesome about Neil getting the audience to scream "Today" while he recites"My Country Tis of Thee." I mean in the car I completely fist pump with this song. (Not to mention it features a synthesizer....). When David sang this, it sounded so 8th grade talent show. Now when I was in eight grade in the talent show I was Wayne and one of my longest cherished childhood friends Cheryl was Garth. We did a "Wayne's World" skit that was so funny. Anyway, way off topic, but I thought he was terrible.

I think Jason should go, but Syesha will probably go. I think it is inevitable that the Davids will be in the finale.