Here we go folks-back by request from Renay, here is my AI update.
First we need to talk about how much nicer it is when Paula shows up sober without the aid of a near overdose of pain medication. Her comments were fluid, we did not compare singers to colors of the rainbow and there were no awkward analogies that make no sense to anyone else except the voices in her head. Simon's piece of advice for the night was to "sing well" which truly means "do not suck" and Kristy Lee Cook promised that if she should stay around (which personally I hope the only one ever hearing her sing again is her horse), she would "blow" Simon "out of his socks." I personally found this amusing, as did Ryan and poor Kristy realized eventually what she said and Miss Innocent Brooke still has no idea what that means....
Moving on, besides the annoying plugs for Paula's single feat. Randy Jackson on bass and Ryan's ridiculous plug for Apple's IPhone, the night was so-so. The "pitchy" count tonight was only at one! Randy seems to have a new line, "I didn't really get it dog." Let's recap shall we?
The night kicked off with Amanda Overmeyer who grew some brass ones in the past week. I have never heard her ever talk back to the judges. She is hoping to sell out that bar in Lafayette. Very high expectations. I personally for one while listening to her sing could not picture myself in Best Buy a year from now hearing the average American consumer say, "I really need that new Amanda Overmeyer CD." I just cannot see this girl selling records. Although to be fair, I don't see her as an elder care nurse either. I totally see her as the nurse hired by a family who has had it with the family's remaining old coot, to slowly put said coot out of their misery with a goose down pillow. I could be wrong...
Kristy sang "Hide your Love Away." The reason I hated it, besides really not liking Kristy, is because it was redone by Eddie Vedder and only someone very big can redo a Beatles song. And besides, I still hold quite a torch for Eddie Vedder and those flannel shirts. The judges thought she looked good. This is always synonymous for "I'd rather have relations with farm animals than hear you sing again." They don't care how they look, they want to be told they can win. I for a split second thought I was being too harsh on her until she said "The Beatles thing is new to me." I mean did your parents' car lack a back seat? How can the Beatles be new to her? Then again she sprays her horses with vinegar.
David Archuleta reminds me of Clay Aiken. I loved Clay and still to this day believe he won, but whatever. David will probably win, unless Chikezie gains a lot of weight and plasters his zip code on a jersey.
Michael Johns did not get any great reviews, but then goes and plays the "I sang it for my dead friend" card and suddenly everyone feels a bit like a douche. Here is the thing with Michael. I should close my eyes, because seriously when I watch him, he can gargle salt water for a minute and a half and I'd be entertained. I also have a Mystery Neighbor on my floor that just moved in. My super told me said neighbor is a single guy. Of course this puts a lot of pressure on me to look half way presentable just in case he comes home when I do, instead of looking like a haggard that has been pleading with a two year old to get in the stroller. So I imagine my Mystery Neighbor (hereinafter affectionately referred to as "MN") to look like Michael Johns. I can assure you he probably doesn't, but it is a fun game I am playing out in my mind....
Brooke-it was hard to take her seriously with the little fake suns all around made out of lights. At one point AI got creative and made one big sun out of lights. The light effects sometimes remind me of an A-Ha video from the 80's gone seriously wrong. She was followed by David Cook who to me is very good but fell a little short tonight.
Carly's husband frightens me. How can you even distinguish emotions on this guy's face since the majority of it is covered in dots and squiggles? It's so bizarre. Although she just got 7s put on her knuckles this week. If I were Ryan I'd ask her what is so attractive about an exorbitant amount of face tats. If I were dating Ryan, I would ask him to ask her. I am neither so I don't have a great possibility of finding out the answer.
If I had one shred of doubt left that Jason is stoned, that shred dissipated tonight. The guy totally makes you wish you were back in college in the dorms with a make shift hollowed out Pepsi bottle bong, a copy of the Wizard of Oz and the Pink Floyd Dark Side of the Moon album. A stoner with dreads singing in French makes for great TV.
Syesha other than having a knockout dress, was a little boring and Chikezie and Ramiele were also ok. The show was alright and I still predict Kristy is going home. I am going to keep predicting it until it happens, so Renay back me up here! Until next week....
{Christmas 2023}
3 months ago
9 comments:
I just have to say, you have a gift for blogging...shouldn't be a surprise, a lawyer should know how to talk!!
anyway, I find your blog quite entertaining!
Danielle (Peyton's mommy)
UGHHHHH!!!!!! Ican’t believe it, I just lost my comments to you again!!!! This time my fault but UGH!
To try to recreate it AGAIN…
Danielle-how did you beat me? Stalker! Just kidding;-)
Thanks for continuing in your AI updates…love em’ but my couch-not so much, should’ve worn depends whilst reading your post (he, he –just kidding, kegals are a girls BFF).
So, I’m guessing you and Preston won’t be road tripping it to good ole Lafayette to see me (and Amanda of course in a packed house Harley bar???) Do you think she has brunette or blonde listed on her DL?
Ok, now that I know you are a lawyer, I’m a bit intimidated but here goes: Exhibit A Counselor-rewind your DVR and let the record show that Paula indeed DID reference the color yellow when referring to Brooke in her strange Yellow dress (which I shouldn’t knock since I’d look like the size of the sun if I wore it). I have no further questions for this witness.
Are you sure Randy only said pitchy once??? Paula said “sketchy” once-was she judging artwork or singing???
The judges were way off about Michael-he was awesome and you are too funny naming your mystery neighbor after him. Did you notice he wasn’t wearing a belt? Fashion no, no eh? It was such an oops moment for the judges when he said his song was for the dead friend;-)
Speaking of belts, what was with Ramielle’s weird black corsette thingy??? Is that a new fashion trend I missed due to primarily shopping in the plus size section (he, he)? That WAS a fashion way no, no!
When will Carly decide enough is enough with the ink-come on??? What was with the fragile bird crap?
Syesha had weird hair tonight-didn’t like it. Preferred her hair of yesterday…get it? Yesterday, that’s the song she sang:-)
I’m not so sure this week but here’s my bottom 3 prediction: Syesha, Ramielle and Kristy and she’ll go home. But I would honestly prefer Ramielle to go home first.
Thanks for the timely update-sorry to disappoint regarding the bone story-glad to know I’m not alone in the automated phone voice deal. Thanks for the plugs too. Next up-why don’t you do a little background about yourself for readers like me who know you only in a few layers thus far? I just saw “your story” post which was amazing-I can’t believe how many of us are told such awful outcomes (I should say are predicted) and then we get the next Bachelor as our lil men who running around not getting into strollers and crushing cereal on the kitchen floor.
Looking forward to your next post;-)
Renay-You are SOOO funny! I would visit you in Lafayette, just as long as there is no Amanda concert! Your comments make me smile!
ok...since I don't watch AI, I think you should also blog about the Bachelor...which I do watch! I love your witty comments!
Amanda gone...can you believe it? carly in the bottom 3??? Boy were we off base. Also, it didn't occur to me that ONLY thee top 10 go touring-I mean wow.
So, I guess we'll have to keep thinking it's Kristy to go next, eventually we'll be right:-)
My prediction-unless she completely bombs it, Carly will NOT be back in the bottom 3 next week-just my .02 :-) Have a thrilling Thursday!
Your post is great, Kim. Lots of yuk yuks on this end of the computer!
LOL your paragraphs on Kristy and Amanda were hilarious. I can't pick just one line to quote.
And ahem...ex-Claymate here...David Archuleta may have a great voice like Clay but he is in no way as versatile as Aiken. The kid can only do ballads *snore*.
When Paula's not talking about colors, she's referring to their heart. Since Syesha was totally showing boobage (loved her dress btw!) he was convinced she was going to say something like, "It was really nice to show your boobs to us tonight, I mean your heart..."
Steve and I both love Jason. He's like the coolest kid in the world. I am almost positive he lived in my dorms freshman year. I liked the fact he did this funny hand gesture when he was singing in French like, "I have no idea what the hell I'm saying but this is so great because I am so messed up right now."
Kim,
OK - you are getting to be too good to be true! Not only are you hilarious & have a son with dwarfism, you share my obsession with reality TV! Wait - you said you are single? Hmmm, if only that whole I'm-a-married-heterosexual didn't get in the way. OK, important question...did you or did you not, watch Paridise Hotel? Think about it and get back to me.
Love the updates!
Cat
Cat-
Not Paradise Hotel-but I did love Temptation Island!
Yes-single by way of divorce! :-)
I love reality. I pretty much love tv. I was so excited when the strike ended I may have wet myself!
KIM!
I didn't know you had a blog. That's awesome. Now I can keep up with you while I am deployed without playing phone tag. I read some of the more recent postings and checked out some of your pictures. Preston is such a little charmer...as you well know. Actually I believe charmer=manipulator at this age...and maybe during his teen/dating years as well!
love,
kent
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