A Letter to Preston

Dear Preston,

Today was Father's Day. This is a hard day for me, not as a daughter, but as your mommy. As I watched you today I felt so sad. I was such a lucky girl growing up. Pa-Pa was my daddy and Preston, he was such a wonderful daddy. He epitomized the word. He is always there for the four of us, mommy, Uncle Charlie, Aunt Tinka and Uncle Chris. He is such a great husband to Ba. Sure they have had ups and downs, but they get through it together. Their marriage has endured the good and bad-exactly the words they vowed in front of God and their family and friends thirty two years ago. Pa-Pa never shirked a responsibility. Even when Pa-Pa had cancer and underwent radiation. Even when Pa-Pa had quadruple bypass surgery two days before your father left. Even after going through stent operations! Now he has you too! You are such a special little guy for him.

It's been two years since it became just Mommy and Preston. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE that it is just Mommy and Preston because I get to raise you and teach you the right and proper values, steer you on the path of goodness and rightness and give you every chance to be loved by such an amazing family and my wonderful circle of friends.

It was hard when you were first born Preston. Mommy was scared-so scared that you may not stay with us. That the doctors could still have been right. I had a new diagnosis that I had to learn that only six weeks earlier I had never heard of defined medically and could not even spell or pronounce it! I had a general understanding of orthopedics and ENTs and geneticists, but I never thought I would know them with you. I asked God why me? Why YOU? I surely could not handle it! There were better parents out there to watch you. After all, what if I went into your nursery and you were not breathing? I don't know how I could handle this. But I did. I believe you were sent to me from God. I believe you were sent because I needed someone to complete my life, to show me that there was perfection in every child brought into the world. You made me a better person. You taught me how to be strong! I was the lucky one. I was chosen to be your mom-one in 15,000-40,000 and it was me! How lucky was I?

Two and a half years later I watch you in amazement. We went out to breakfast this morning and the waitresses all know you and really want to steal you because you capture their hearts. They put in a rush order on your pancakes. Your personality is unreal. Tonight you had such a smile on your face running behind your new cousin Nicole, or "Cole" as you call her. Tonight before going to bed gave me a big kiss and said, "I love you."

Oh Preston. I love being your mom. I also feel as if I have to be your daddy too. And sometimes that is hard. I know you see the other daddies pick up your friends at school. I know you see daddies at the playground and at restaurants with their kids. I just don't understand it either sometimes Preston. I know you don't understand the word divorce now, but someday you will. The first Father's Day you were here for was four days prior to your father leaving. He has not been around the past two years. This year I cannot even write the reason it makes mommy so angry. I wish you had my last name. I have watched your eyes turn from your father's green to hazel to almost a light brown-lighter than mine, but in the brown family. I see your hair, just a tad bit more strawberry in it than mine was at your age. I see your determination and your drive to succeed and I know I have paved that way for you.

I love that we are a team. We have our jokes, our special songs in the car, our moments when you just hug mommy so tight (hugs with arms). But I hope one day too Preston I can find someone for the both of us. Someone like Pa-Pa. Someone who will go to the ends of the earth for us, or work fifteen jobs to support you if that is what it took to make you happy and give you everything you need. Someone who will put you before anything else in the world. Someone who will love both of us so unconditionally.

Just know I love you more than life. I am trying so hard baby. I hope I will never let you down. You are the coolest kid on the planet and I am the luckiest person in the world.

Love, Mommy

P.S. Here are some pictures of you and Pa-Pa at the Father's Day Celebration at your school. You colored with Pa-Pa and then he made ice cream sundaes. He loved your had painted gift box filled with tootsie rolls and a chocolate lollipop you made!