Sunday, June 15, 2008

A Letter to Preston

Dear Preston,
Today was Father's Day. This is a hard day for me, not as a daughter, but as your mommy. As I watched you today I felt so sad. I was such a lucky girl growing up. Pa-Pa was my daddy and Preston, he was such a wonderful daddy. He epitomized the word. He is always there for the four of us, mommy, Uncle Charlie, Aunt Tinka and Uncle Chris. He is such a great husband to Ba. Sure they have had ups and downs, but they get through it together. Their marriage has endured the good and bad-exactly the words they vowed in front of God and their family and friends thirty two years ago. Pa-Pa never shirked a responsibility. Even when Pa-Pa had cancer and underwent radiation. Even when Pa-Pa had quadruple bypass surgery two days before your father left. Even after going through stent operations! Now he has you too! You are such a special little guy for him.

It's been two years since it became just Mommy and Preston. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE that it is just Mommy and Preston because I get to raise you and teach you the right and proper values, steer you on the path of goodness and rightness and give you every chance to be loved by such an amazing family and my wonderful circle of friends.

It was hard when you were first born Preston. Mommy was scared-so scared that you may not stay with us. That the doctors could still have been right. I had a new diagnosis that I had to learn that only six weeks earlier I had never heard of defined medically and could not even spell or pronounce it! I had a general understanding of orthopedics and ENTs and geneticists, but I never thought I would know them with you. I asked God why me? Why YOU? I surely could not handle it! There were better parents out there to watch you. After all, what if I went into your nursery and you were not breathing? I don't know how I could handle this. But I did. I believe you were sent to me from God. I believe you were sent because I needed someone to complete my life, to show me that there was perfection in every child brought into the world. You made me a better person. You taught me how to be strong! I was the lucky one. I was chosen to be your mom-one in 15,000-40,000 and it was me! How lucky was I?

Two and a half years later I watch you in amazement. We went out to breakfast this morning and the waitresses all know you and really want to steal you because you capture their hearts. They put in a rush order on your pancakes. Your personality is unreal. Tonight you had such a smile on your face running behind your new cousin Nicole, or "Cole" as you call her. Tonight before going to bed gave me a big kiss and said, "I love you."
Oh Preston. I love being your mom. I also feel as if I have to be your daddy too. And sometimes that is hard. I know you see the other daddies pick up your friends at school. I know you see daddies at the playground and at restaurants with their kids. I just don't understand it either sometimes Preston. I know you don't understand the word divorce now, but someday you will. The first Father's Day you were here for was four days prior to your father leaving. He has not been around the past two years. This year I cannot even write the reason it makes mommy so angry. I wish you had my last name. I have watched your eyes turn from your father's green to hazel to almost a light brown-lighter than mine, but in the brown family. I see your hair, just a tad bit more strawberry in it than mine was at your age. I see your determination and your drive to succeed and I know I have paved that way for you.

I love that we are a team. We have our jokes, our special songs in the car, our moments when you just hug mommy so tight (hugs with arms). But I hope one day too Preston I can find someone for the both of us. Someone like Pa-Pa. Someone who will go to the ends of the earth for us, or work fifteen jobs to support you if that is what it took to make you happy and give you everything you need. Someone who will put you before anything else in the world. Someone who will love both of us so unconditionally.

Just know I love you more than life. I am trying so hard baby. I hope I will never let you down. You are the coolest kid on the planet and I am the luckiest person in the world.

Love, Mommy

P.S. Here are some pictures of you and Pa-Pa at the Father's Day Celebration at your school. You colored with Pa-Pa and then he made ice cream sundaes. He loved your had painted gift box filled with tootsie rolls and a chocolate lollipop you made!

16 comments:

Caden and Mommy said...

Kim!
A very heartwarming letter to Preston! You are doing a great job as a mommy and Preston is VERY lucky to have you! I can't wait to someday meet your little monkey :-)
Trisha

Catherine Merciez Wright said...

Oh Kim! I have tears streaming down my face right now. I'm inspired by how raw your entry is. You are more than enough to fill the mommy and daddy spot for Preston.
Read your email! I sent you one.

Cat

The Johnson Family 5 said...

Oh man! I am in tears right now! Preston is soo lucky to have such a devoted mother!! One day you will find the RIGHT person to love you and Preston the way that you deserve!! Happy Parents Day Mama!! You are doing a fabulous job!!

Sarah said...

Hey Kim, I'd write this in an email, but I don't think I have one for you. I have tears in my eyes and reading your post reminds me a lot of my life in some ways. My dad just walked out of our lives one day and it was really really hard, but as I wrote in my post I was so lucky to have Bill. I have seen my mom struggle as a single parent, trying to make everyone happy and pay all the bills, so I truly feel for you. I hope that you do find that special person for you and Preston one day, but know that you really are what Preston needs. He needs someone who loves him unconditionally and he has that in you and your family. I do feel for you and Preston on a very personal level because I know how much it can hurt, but I can also tell you that I am so proud of my mom. I know how hard she worked to take care of us and I respect her and admire her so much just as Preston will. I know we've never met and I only know you from what I read but its very obvious you are a wonderful mother and person. Preston is in good hands. You will find that special someone ...for the two of you. I've seen it happen and I hope you find someone great that loves the two of you more then anything else.

Andrea said...

A very touching and sweet letter. I'm sure Preston will grow up knowing how blessed he is to have you as a Mother.

Jillsblog said...

I have tears whiling writing this...god what a nice letter to Preston. He is truly lucky to have you and you should be proud to be his Mom!

Anonymous said...

Oh Kim, this made me cry and then the responses from your friends made me cry too! You are so loved by everyone! Preston is extremely lucky to have you and he will understand this as he grows older. You are raising him perfectly with lots of unconditional love and values. Mom and dad raised us right it's only natural for you to do the same with Preston. He may not have a dad to share his life with but he has tons of males and females who will always shower him with attention. Whether it's a "toy" from Ba, a pretend fall from Ahya, blown cheek kisses from me or an airplane ride from Seve, he's loved. And he'll always have his Pa-Pa who is an amazing man and will help mold Preston into a wonderful little man. But most of all, he'll have you and who wouldn't want to have you as a mommy?

Anonymous said...

Kim, Preston will treasure this beautiful letter from his amazing mommy when he grows up. He is an incredible little boy and you guys are just an awesome family! We are lucky to have you in our lives :-)

Tonya said...

Kim!! Everything I could say has been said! Preston is a lucky boy to have you for a mom!!

I would even go further to say this: Preston is luckier than most little boys in the world! Even though his "dad" may not be around, he has you and Pa-Pa to guide and show him what a real father is! Even dads who are around sometimes can't do that!

What a lucky boy!!

Anonymous said...

what can I say that hasn't already been written or said to you my dearest Kimberly you and my baby monkey light up my life. You brought joy to daddy and my life the minute you entered it on may 4th 1978 and have continued to brighten our lives ever since. i am so proud of the way you are raising preston your patience, understanding and love shine forth through his adoring eyes on a daily basis. preston makes my heart sing. he is truly blessed to have such a special person as you guiding him through life always remember we are always here for you and baby monkey no matter what. we love the both of you dearly. mom

Destini said...

I guess I shouldn't have read this at work, because all the guys around are looking at me like I'm crazy right now - although none are brave enough to ask if I'm okay.
Kim, Preston is blessed to have you and don't ever feel like you are not enough! I cannot imagine how painful it is to be that honest, but Preston will be a better man for it.
Hugs, Destini

Jennifer said...

Wow Kim. Quite a post. Your friends and supporters out here in cyberspace send you our love. Preston is a treasure and we all know it. He's blessed to have you as his mom!

Renay said...

Preston is a very blessed boy and you are a very blessed mommy...

Praying a very blessed gentleman gets to be in your world sometime soon;-)

What an awesome post for Preston. A patient named their son Preston the other night and I thought of you;-)

Mandy said...

oH my I have tears streaming down my face.
Everything that I want to say has already been said.
You are a great mom. Preston is so lucky to have you.

Lisa said...

What an amazing post! You're so inspirational. I feel horrible for taking so long to catch up on posts, but glad I saw this one!

Anonymous said...

i finally get the link back and this is the first thing i read...im in tears...but just as lucky as you think you are thats what pres feels and guess what your loser ex doesnt deserve either of you and honestly PaPa is awesome!