American Idol-Week 2

OK. Billboard Number 1's. Why when they have these shows do contestants go out of their way to find songs that I question were ever on the Billboard charts, let alone made it to Number 1? Half of these songs I hate, a few are on my iPod and others make me want to stick bamboo under my fingernails. The second issue I have is the "mentor" they had this week. Picture this-you are sitting in the "sound room" at the Idol McMansion all excited to meet the mentor. The past seasons' contestants have seen the likes of Stevie, Smokey, Mariah, Barry and in walks Miley Cyrus. Don't get me wrong, she's so cute she is like a piece of bubble gum and I have been known to throw my hands up when they play my song (which is usually the Billboard number 1 for the week ironically, that has yet to have been overplayed to the point it takes on bamboo shoot status), but I mean you are getting mentored by Hannah Montana. A Disney character. It's like saying you learned all there is to know about art and classical music from Little Einsteins. (OK confession, Leo and Quincy did clue me in that penguins are indigenous to Patagonia-who the hell knew)? But really half the contestants, minus Aaron are older than her. My third issue is the Idol tour. Why do only ten make it on? I mean it's not like we have 35 contestants, there are 12. TWELVE. What is there not room on the bus? The two extra people will screw up their montages? Katie and I went to the tour concert show for Season 5. It would not have changed the show if the two extra people came. Just saying. It annoys me basically because I don't understand the reasoning. When Ryan calls next time I'll ask him ......(Ryan really doesn't call me). The fourth nerve grating thing tonight was Kara's Victoria Beckham cheek sucking. I have decided that to save myself from the torture that is Kara, next week I am going to fast forward past her spiels. For the sake of my eyeballs because I watch Idol with a writing instrument in my hands to bring you this recap. (Which really isn't a recap-it's my take on the show and my opinions but whatev-you're loyal readers).

Lee- I think while Lee was rehearsing with Miley he was trying to figure out if he hooked up with her if that could land him in the gen pop of the local slammer for her being 17. Then when he started singing I thought he was wearing a silver heart necklace and I thought it was a non-broken best friends necklace!!! Remember those? But he was wearing both parts (were you a fan of BE FRI or the ST ENDS part?) Then I realized it was a silver guitar pick. Still love Lee. Big fan.
Paige-Her getting onto the tour is against all odds. She was so God awful. The only thing rocking about Paige tonight were her earrings. My favorite judge line was said by Randy, "Hi. Dude...Wow...really...honestly...like seriously..wow...really?" It was the same line I uttered upon hearing my ex was bringing another child into this world.
Tim- I am shocked he was still here this week and he should be thankful Paige was actually worse than him. Looks like Tim may make this tour. I've decided he looks just like Ben Stiller-if Ben Stiller was doing really bad karaoke.
Aaron- Awwww. He was so cute with Miley. He's like eight and has a huge crush on her. He was all nervous and excited. I assume that is what I would look like if I ever have the opportunity to be mentored on anything by Derek Jeter. I laughed that he chose "Don't Want to Miss a Thing." He was four when the song debuted. Four. So that means if Preston ever went on Idol (don't worry... he won't-cute voice, but super pitchy) he would rock this week's hits. Anyway off topic for a minute. Armageddon was probably the dumbest movie in history. Think of the concept. A meteor is going to hit Earth unless Bruce Willis travels to the meteor that is going 90 million miles and hour, lands on it, and drills it....OK. Anyway, I think Aaron and his tonsils will make it another week.
Crystal-why in Heaven's name did she bring her own carpet to the show? As much as I like her voice, the remnant carpet and the fact she is adverse to shampoo keep me from liking her more.
Mike-I am starting to get flashbacks to Ruben, minus the 805 or whatever area code shirt he would wear. The only thing Mike would still have to perfect is the Ruben "stand-straight-left-arm out-now-right-arm-out" dance move. I mean I like him-he's my New York homeboy, but he needs to step it up because I agreed with the judges-it was a snoozefest.
Andrew-This guy sucks too. I am perplexed how he made it this far....oh right the acoustic "Straight Up" rendition. How could I possibly forget. (And that was sarcasm).He looks like a tattooed version of the guy that sang "Macarena."

At this point as I was fast forwarding through the commercials, the commercial for Glee came on. I am positively giddy that in three weeks it premieres and it's Opening Day. Mother of everything good and holy. What a week! (And now I re-read that sentence and ponder the state of my loser-ness).

Katie- OK. You guys know I channel Fergie. Nothing has helped me more this past month at the gym than the Black Eyed Peas and Fergie's "Clumsy" which I believe my iPod has played 42 times in March. They are also Preston's fave group who told me this week that he loves their new song "Imma Bee." And to hear him sing it is pretty damn cute. Anyway, watching Katie was like watching a talent show performance in high school. Off topic again....in eighth grade my friend Cheryl and I were in a talent show. We were Wayne (me) and Garth. We were so awesome. I love how humble I am. I have to find a picture. This week her niece was in a talent show. Sadly, we both realized kids today don't even know Wayne and Garth. Schwing!
Casey-OK I am sweating Casey's hair. My mother and Cheryl have both had this curly look which apparently is done, strangely, with a flat iron. I am wondering if Casey knows how to achieve said look? I love personally that he sang Huey Lewis. I pretty much love anything from the 80's and will embrace it.
Didi-Simon stole my line. I write as the contestants are singing on a little notepad. I literally wrote "you're no good." "Exactly" And then Simon took my line. (Which I admit was not all that original anyway, but still). At first when I saw her outfit it appeared that she was wearing a medal from the Vancouver Olympics, which just turned out to be a medallion belt. I was going to get pretty pissed. Preston couldn't even get the Ralph Lauren hat from the Olympics and sucky Didi was getting a medal?
Siobhan-She sang a 70's song dressed like she came out of a late 80's Madonna video. I think she was wearing a banana clip in her hair. Tongiht in the gym the woman next to me told me she thought Siobhan was homeless. Thank goodness for her that she will be on the tour and have the bus to live in. Maybe that's why they can't have 12 people on the tour-Siobhan's mom and dad are tagging along.

My pick to go home: Paige.