American Idol-Week 3

YEAH-YAH! Usher guest starred tonight, which, no offense, kicked the Miley mentoring episode by far. Although I love how this "guest spot" was timed to coincide with the date his album "dropped." First off -to the woman sitting behind Usher in the audience tonight (and I will extend this as a public service announcement), just because Crystal Bowersox had dreads does not mean that it is an appropriate hairstyle. Sorry got caught up in in that. Second, Usher told us that he got very creative on this new album. I would direct your attention to the lyrics of his new diddy, "Lil Freak." It is an interesting creative angle on that one, but I'll let you decide that on your own.....you can Google now if you must. So let's get to our Top Touring 10.

Siobhan-Wow. Tonight was the first time I have heard her that off key. I don't really understand the judges' issue with her "screamed high note." I mean seriously, didn't Kara write songs for Mariah? I am pretty sure she broke glass on every tune she sang. I think she was a bit psyched out from the feedback last week. Tonight marked the introduction of something new with Idol-the backstage "green" room (which isn't green). Did you catch a glimpse of all that food? I probably wouldn't hear my name called because I'd be filling my mouth with grapes and Gouda.

Casey-I think he did amazing, but for that annoying Orbitz smile after each grouping of words..."Hold on.." [SMILE like a jackass] "I'm coming." [Smile like a jackass]. Reminded me of Clay Aiken and his facial expressions. Sometimes you had to close your eyes. And yes I am aware that Casey is much better eye candy than Clay (OK Clay is not eye candy at all), but the smile was a bit overdone.

Big Mike-I wonder if Mike likes this nickname since now with the popularity of The Blind Side and Michael Oher's nickname? Just wondering. Anyway I guess the judges and I were on a completely different page because seriously if this was the song playing on my alarm clock I am not even sure it would wake me in time to press snooze. Ugh so boring.

Didi-This was the first time in a while I thought Ryan was an utter douche. To put her on the spot like that after her song was just wrong. We all remember her tryouts and that her friend has passed on. Last year Danny Gokey held the sympathy death ticket, this year it's Didi and her BFF. I won't lie, Didi was nothing shy of God awful, but no need to beat the dog when it's down. I also hate Kara's favorite phrase "singer/songwriter." She loves saying it. I think she calls herself that in the mirror. But what becomes of the Idol singer that sucks? She will be in one of those silver butt stools tomorrow.

Tim- WHOO WHOO What's that? The sound of a train traveling eastbound. WHOO WHOO? Then what's that? The sound of a train traveling westbound. On a one way track. (Or "wrong way on a one way track" if you love Soul Asylum). That's right ladies and gents, let's watch this train wreck week in and week out.

Alex-Ugh I did not listen to his performance on protest of anything Chris Brown. I am kind of disappointed I have not seen him cleaning up my local thoroughfares in Richmond. I wonder where he is doing his work release. So I laugh because Simon says he knows nothing about Alex. Really? Really? I bet he recalls though that Alex sang "Straight Up".....the acoustic version.

*Commercial break* Glee is back in two weeks. Who saw Sue Sylvester in the audience???? And why is Kris Allen doing Ford commercials? Because he cannot sell out any concerts? No one scalping tix for those hard-to-find Kris Allen seats? Because his song sucks? Anyone?

Katie- The first thing I noticed was the fact she totally stays up late nights and ordered those "Bump Its" for her hair (the pageant pack). She has a great voice, but I disagree with Randy-she is no Christina Aguilera. I then chuckled when Ellen told her she had a Snooki poof. (And now I have hit a new low citing Jersey Shore in my blog).

Lee-Lee DeWyze. Say his name really fast out loud. Are you totally singing "Edelweiss" from Sound of Music? No? Just me? (Yes you are you liars). Anyway I totally love Lee. He rocks, he's super cute and so humble. (Although this could totally be an act and he is the world's largest DB-I mean look who I chose to take vows with. So you never know).

Crystal-I have to hand it to Crystal, her voice is unreal. What I think I love about her now (besides my hope that she is in fact growing out those dreads) is our mutual loathing for Kara. You know she holds nothing but disdain for her and that makes me want to stay up and vote incessantly for Crystal. I totally took notes and wrote, "get rid of the faux En Vogue (minus one) at the piano" during her performance. This is why Simon and I are totally in check. He should have married me. (I'm in it for the ginormous engagement ring only---OK and the ridiculous wealth. Don't worry, I'd still blog from my yacht). I also loved her shoes but you can tell she cannot walk in heels. I must confess, I love shoes so much. I will never forget slipping into my first pair at age nine. White, peep toe leather shoes with about a one inch heel from Naturalizer. I begged my father to buy them who was really at the store to buy me patent leather Mary Janes for Charlie's Communion. I tried them on, turned my heels a la Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz in those little triangular shoe seats with the mirrors on the side and there was no going back. My love for heels and shoes was born (I did get Mary Janes again though-in high school when Clueless came out and I bought anything that remotely resembled something Alicia Silverstone wore).

Aaron-He has a nice voice but I cannot take him seriously. I mean he is totally unconvincing singing "Ain't No Sunshine" when I am pretty sure he has not ever even seen first base except in gym class.

Who will have to let it burn: Didi

Uncle Chris, Aunt Anna & Art

 

This past weekend we had a great visit with my brother and Anna.  We do not get to see them that often and so when we do we have to jam pack a lot of things into very little time. (Including Chris and I talking about Notorious BIG lyrics-we do, seriously).  Here are some pics of the visit:

Uncle Chris wrestling Preston because P-Dizzle/P-Donkel (Chris’ names for Pres) has a better NCAA bracket than he does thus far.

Then it was time to go outside and do a little baseball practice.  Pres is getting a lot better with his catching (when Chris did not throw the ball at the speed of Mariano Rivera at him).  After b-ball I blew bubbles while Chris and Pres chased them.  Then Chris showed Pres he could catch them in his mouth. Awesome. Thanks Pher.

Preston and Chris enjoyed story time together.  Although I think Chris enjoyed Dinner at the Panda Palace  even more than Pres.

Then it was cuddle time with Aunt Anna.

Tonight was Preston’s Montessori Art Show.  We were sent engraved invitations and it stated “Formal Attire.” I figured ok-formal attire, I am sure Pres can just wear a really nice outfit.  Then this morning I saw Ms. Faith pull out a black dress and thought, “Oh you guys seriously meant formal attire?”  Ms. Kim and Ms. Faith assured me Preston would be fine.  Miss Kim has personally seen Preston’s closet. So I started to relax…until they told me there was going to be a professional photographer, the principal from the local elementary school was going to be there and there was going to be live music.  My face visibly paled.  I walked to the car contemplating every article of clothing in Preston’s closet and dressers.  I was in a state of utter panic calling my mother, Marrah and Mel (almost simultaneously) and trying to figure out how Pres was going to pull off a “formal number.”  The blazer from Katie’s wedding was out-the arms I knew would be too short.  Switching gears but still thinking nautical theme (much like Katie’s wedding) I mentally put together and outfit.  Here is the dude before the show:

I cannot say enough about the art show.  Preston is so blessed to have these teachers.  This was a good month and a half worth of work and effort and I cannot applaud them enough.  They even had cheese, grapes and apple juice in wine glasses.  The artwork was amazing. I had tears in my eyes and the children were so excited to show off their work.

Preston and Miss Kim (Grecian vases that the kids made in teams of two and the rainbow paint art is hanging behind them).

In honor of Michelangelo the kids painted on their backs and they hung the paintings from the ceiling. Pres is on the bottom right.

Preston’s art.  On the table is his sculpture (kids wrapped toys in masking tape and painted them), a self portrait (the kids did faces out of clay and they were sent to a fire pit company to glaze and harden), the canvas is based on Monet’s Water Lilies, the bottom right is Van Gogh’s Sunflowers.   He even got to take his own digital photograph.  I had tears in my eyes.  It was beautiful!

Every good artist must relax with some wine!

American Idol-Week 2

OK. Billboard Number 1's. Why when they have these shows do contestants go out of their way to find songs that I question were ever on the Billboard charts, let alone made it to Number 1? Half of these songs I hate, a few are on my iPod and others make me want to stick bamboo under my fingernails. The second issue I have is the "mentor" they had this week. Picture this-you are sitting in the "sound room" at the Idol McMansion all excited to meet the mentor. The past seasons' contestants have seen the likes of Stevie, Smokey, Mariah, Barry and in walks Miley Cyrus. Don't get me wrong, she's so cute she is like a piece of bubble gum and I have been known to throw my hands up when they play my song (which is usually the Billboard number 1 for the week ironically, that has yet to have been overplayed to the point it takes on bamboo shoot status), but I mean you are getting mentored by Hannah Montana. A Disney character. It's like saying you learned all there is to know about art and classical music from Little Einsteins. (OK confession, Leo and Quincy did clue me in that penguins are indigenous to Patagonia-who the hell knew)? But really half the contestants, minus Aaron are older than her. My third issue is the Idol tour. Why do only ten make it on? I mean it's not like we have 35 contestants, there are 12. TWELVE. What is there not room on the bus? The two extra people will screw up their montages? Katie and I went to the tour concert show for Season 5. It would not have changed the show if the two extra people came. Just saying. It annoys me basically because I don't understand the reasoning. When Ryan calls next time I'll ask him ......(Ryan really doesn't call me). The fourth nerve grating thing tonight was Kara's Victoria Beckham cheek sucking. I have decided that to save myself from the torture that is Kara, next week I am going to fast forward past her spiels. For the sake of my eyeballs because I watch Idol with a writing instrument in my hands to bring you this recap. (Which really isn't a recap-it's my take on the show and my opinions but whatev-you're loyal readers).

Lee- I think while Lee was rehearsing with Miley he was trying to figure out if he hooked up with her if that could land him in the gen pop of the local slammer for her being 17. Then when he started singing I thought he was wearing a silver heart necklace and I thought it was a non-broken best friends necklace!!! Remember those? But he was wearing both parts (were you a fan of BE FRI or the ST ENDS part?) Then I realized it was a silver guitar pick. Still love Lee. Big fan.
Paige-Her getting onto the tour is against all odds. She was so God awful. The only thing rocking about Paige tonight were her earrings. My favorite judge line was said by Randy, "Hi. Dude...Wow...really...honestly...like seriously..wow...really?" It was the same line I uttered upon hearing my ex was bringing another child into this world.
Tim- I am shocked he was still here this week and he should be thankful Paige was actually worse than him. Looks like Tim may make this tour. I've decided he looks just like Ben Stiller-if Ben Stiller was doing really bad karaoke.
Aaron- Awwww. He was so cute with Miley. He's like eight and has a huge crush on her. He was all nervous and excited. I assume that is what I would look like if I ever have the opportunity to be mentored on anything by Derek Jeter. I laughed that he chose "Don't Want to Miss a Thing." He was four when the song debuted. Four. So that means if Preston ever went on Idol (don't worry... he won't-cute voice, but super pitchy) he would rock this week's hits. Anyway off topic for a minute. Armageddon was probably the dumbest movie in history. Think of the concept. A meteor is going to hit Earth unless Bruce Willis travels to the meteor that is going 90 million miles and hour, lands on it, and drills it....OK. Anyway, I think Aaron and his tonsils will make it another week.
Crystal-why in Heaven's name did she bring her own carpet to the show? As much as I like her voice, the remnant carpet and the fact she is adverse to shampoo keep me from liking her more.
Mike-I am starting to get flashbacks to Ruben, minus the 805 or whatever area code shirt he would wear. The only thing Mike would still have to perfect is the Ruben "stand-straight-left-arm out-now-right-arm-out" dance move. I mean I like him-he's my New York homeboy, but he needs to step it up because I agreed with the judges-it was a snoozefest.
Andrew-This guy sucks too. I am perplexed how he made it this far....oh right the acoustic "Straight Up" rendition. How could I possibly forget. (And that was sarcasm).He looks like a tattooed version of the guy that sang "Macarena."

At this point as I was fast forwarding through the commercials, the commercial for Glee came on. I am positively giddy that in three weeks it premieres and it's Opening Day. Mother of everything good and holy. What a week! (And now I re-read that sentence and ponder the state of my loser-ness).

Katie- OK. You guys know I channel Fergie. Nothing has helped me more this past month at the gym than the Black Eyed Peas and Fergie's "Clumsy" which I believe my iPod has played 42 times in March. They are also Preston's fave group who told me this week that he loves their new song "Imma Bee." And to hear him sing it is pretty damn cute. Anyway, watching Katie was like watching a talent show performance in high school. Off topic again....in eighth grade my friend Cheryl and I were in a talent show. We were Wayne (me) and Garth. We were so awesome. I love how humble I am. I have to find a picture. This week her niece was in a talent show. Sadly, we both realized kids today don't even know Wayne and Garth. Schwing!
Casey-OK I am sweating Casey's hair. My mother and Cheryl have both had this curly look which apparently is done, strangely, with a flat iron. I am wondering if Casey knows how to achieve said look? I love personally that he sang Huey Lewis. I pretty much love anything from the 80's and will embrace it.
Didi-Simon stole my line. I write as the contestants are singing on a little notepad. I literally wrote "you're no good." "Exactly" And then Simon took my line. (Which I admit was not all that original anyway, but still). At first when I saw her outfit it appeared that she was wearing a medal from the Vancouver Olympics, which just turned out to be a medallion belt. I was going to get pretty pissed. Preston couldn't even get the Ralph Lauren hat from the Olympics and sucky Didi was getting a medal?
Siobhan-She sang a 70's song dressed like she came out of a late 80's Madonna video. I think she was wearing a banana clip in her hair. Tongiht in the gym the woman next to me told me she thought Siobhan was homeless. Thank goodness for her that she will be on the tour and have the bus to live in. Maybe that's why they can't have 12 people on the tour-Siobhan's mom and dad are tagging along.

My pick to go home: Paige.

Because Mel is Sending Nasty Grams

Mel has a not so subtle way of reminding me I have not updated the blog with pics of Preston. The reminders come in forms of e-mails, BlackBerry messages and over the phone reminders. And these are usually not nice reminders either. There is a “tone” to them. So here are the pics:

Here is another one of Preston’s puzzle masterpieces. I have to say he is getting very good at puzzles. I am not really sure why every puzzle we own is like six feet by four feet. Apparently they don’t make small puzzles anymore.

The past weekend Aunt Tinka flew in for the weekend. Preston was beyond excited and misses his aunt a lot. (Here is the guilt trip Katie). He says that he wants Tinka to come back (are you feeling guilty yet Katie?)

By the way, Katie ate both those ice cream cones by herself ;-) The other cool thing about this pic, is I just realized Katie left me that sweater to borrow! That night she and I and Jordana saw Alice in Wonderland. It was awesome. I always thought the Disney movie was a bit odd (and didn’t understand at the age of six when I first saw it that the whole thing was one massive drug induced haze-why was a caterpillar smoking and singing “A….A, E, I, O, U…..? And why is that pink cat hiding and reappearing)? The movie I believe follows Through the Looking Glass, the sequel to the original book.

The following day it was off for shopping at the outlets since Preston needed all new shoes for the spring and summer and a trip to the Yankee Candle shop-one of Preston’s favorite.

And of course, how can a holiday go by without Preston’s famous cupcakes!!!!! Got to love the sleep shirt here. Preston is getting obsessed with Super Heroes lately and the only Marvel shirt they had was in a size 6. Also don’t you just love the bent in arm thumbs up? Must be an achon thing.

American Idol-Week 1

Season 9. And quite possibly the last season. As Simon prepares to leave and the contestants are no where’s near the caliber they have been in the past, I worry about the future of this show. Perhaps I should explain my affinity with this show. Idol began in the summer of 2002. That was the worst summer of my life. I was studying for the NY bar exam which is one of the toughest exams in the country. I chose to study for it closer to home, away from all my law school friends to prevent me from being Kim-meaning gossiping and talking Kathy into going on yet another Starbucks run. I was living in the apartment I rented in Westchester with my ex husband. My day started at 8, class from 9-12:30, study until 8 or 9 (three hours of the subject we just learned, plus essay questions and Multistate multiple choice questions….EVERY SINGLE DAY from Memorial Day until July 20-something. It was awful. And one night I heard my ex turn on the TV and I heard some guy sing, “Silent Night…I said a Silent Night” in the most monotone voice ever. And I was hooked. The one thing in my life that has stayed really consistent is Idol being on every season. My marriage-ended in divorce, my ideal pregnancy-turned on its head at 34-ish weeks, I moved to another state, waived into another jurisdiction and practiced a new type of law…but Idol was there. I have watched every Idol crowned (minus David Cook due to my selfish brother getting married out of the country that year *wink wink*) and watched every dreadful audition from William Hung to the guy that loved the Hoff. Now it’s Season 9 and Paula is gone, Kara unfortunately is still on the show and my love Simon is departing. With a heavy heart, I bring you…my Idol blog.

Couple of housekeeping items:

1) I am opening up Guest blogging. Should you love Idol the way I do, message me on Facebook or in the comment section if you would like to guest author with me this year. Yay for that right???

2) Who is with me that Fox needs to put an X on the floor for Kara’s chair, exactly one foot away from Simon’s chair? If I were Kara’s husband I would consider divorce. The longing in her eyes is akin to my longing for a neurosurgeon husband---that is pretty damn longing.

3) In keeping up with current movies, I declare “OFF WITH THEIR HANDS!” Seriously, enough with the dumb hand waving during a slow song, clapping during a fast one….enough audience participation!

Here is the recap of the Top 12

Big Mike- As my brother Chris says, “You gotta love Big Mike.” And I do. Except for the awful falsetto he insists on doing every week. If you can bench press a hemi, you can forgo the falsetto.

Didi- Didi is what would happen if Brooke White from a few seasons ago and Taylor Swift had a love child. And Didi sounds about as awful as Taylor Swift did at the Grammys. Randy, in his pun with the song title told her she was…”on fire.” I declare Randy, “on crack.” This was followed up by Kara telling her that she is finally declaring what type of artist she will be---I suppose a “sucky” one. And props to my friend Michele B. for pointing out that Kara called Ellen a guy, twice tonight. Glad Kara is agreeing with “the guys.” Someone make her shut up!

Casey- I am not really understanding the love with Casey. I think he is ok, but Derek Jeter he is not people! I did get teary a bit hearing how proud his mother was of him. I know I will never cry like that on an Idol-type show because as much as I love Preston and as cute as he was singing “Pants on the Ground” he has absolutely no voice whatsoever. I am ok with the fact that the Raab gene for singing has passed down to him. This is just more insurance for me to know he will go to medical school instead. Although right now his career of choice at age 4 is to drive a subway.

Lacey- She is so pretty, too bad her voice sounds like a cat on a stretching machine.

Andrew- I feel bad for this guy. If they mention the “Straight Up” performance one more time and how he will never “bring it” like that again, I may torture myself. This was also where Kara so astutely told him he did not connect with the song like Mick Jagger since the song was about Vietnam. Damn you Andrew for not connecting to a song about a war that ended ten years before you were an embryo!

Katie- Susan Boyle’s version was better. I agree with Randy-pitch problems.

Tim- Tim is going home tomorrow. He is one of ten kids, or almost half the Dugger clan. Can you imagine having 10 kids? Being pregnant for 90 months? NINETY MONTHS. Roughly SEVEN AND A HALF YEARS of your life? *Shudder* They want him to be good, but the problem is…he is so not. Even his friends thought he sucked. You could see them laughing at him and half clapping. They were like, “Dude that was so bad man.” In the words of Randy-he definitely did not, “blow it out the box.”

Siobhan-By far my favorite. She is so weird, but she is unreal. I peg her as a finalist. Ok and when Kara said she was like the female Adam Lambert I found myself actually agreeing with her. And I now will apologize to Bobbi for blasting Adam all last season. His song on the radio now is 100 times better than Kris Allen’s and I now can look back and realize Adam was pretty darn awesome. So I apologize to Adam Lambert fans. He is on my iPod. Kris isn’t.

Lee- My friend Matt from law school dubbed him a “poor man’s Daughtry.” I can definitely see the similarities but I really like him. I like his voice a lot, he’s decent to look at and I think he too will be around for quite awhile.

Paige-I thought she did really well. I thought she was pretty awful the past few weeks and was shocked to see her stay over the girl with the gray hair (what was with that hair)? My favorite line was said by Paige this year when asked why she sang a particular song after she sang it…not so well. “I just love that song so much. I really wanted to sing it.” Look Paige. I love the song “Whip It.” It doesn’t mean I would perform it on Idol.

Aaron-He found his passion for singing when he was nine years old….which was last year. I am starting to get nightmares of David Archuleta watching this kid.

Crystal-I like her voice. I do. But there are two things preventing me from liking her even more. One, the fact that her hair has not been washed in well over three years and second because her last name has the word “Sox” in it.

My Pick to Go Home: Tim

Clean Teeth and Dropped Pants

We’ll get to the pants in a sec.  Preston had his first dental visit today.  He was pretty excited but when I called the receptionist told me parents cannot go back with their children.  I said to her while I understand this may be common practice for say a child of…I don’t know…seven, perhaps they can bend the rules for a four year old?  They do have “mommy visits” where the parent can go with the child.  They don’t know Preston-regardless of their policy or not he would not have gone without me.  The only reason his tonsils are removed without me was because he was under anesthesia or you can bet the farm I’d have been standing right there the whole time.  I have never seen a hygienist clean teeth so fast, but being this practice was just for children, I guess they have this down to a science. The cleaning was about 1 minute (less time than he brushes his teeth).  In all fairness, this was the first time he ever tasted that gritty crud they use to clean your teeth and he was trying to spit it out or keep it from going down his throat.  They gave him a rinse and then the fluoride treatment.  I hated this as a child because they put nasty flavored gel in a cut up Styrofoam egg carton and shoved it in my mouth.  Now they brush the teeth with a regular brush with fluoride toothpaste.  Preston liked this-cherry cheesecake.  He then had x-rays taken and asked about 12 questions in regards to same and then had his exam with the dentist.  He has no cavities.  In fact he told the dentist rather firmly, “I don’t have cavities because I’m a little kid, but grandma has had cavities.”  He shouldn’t forget mommy-I never had one in my life until my late 20’s when I stopped drinking tap water which has fluoride.  I have resumed drinking well water now too. 

His canine teeth are very pointy, but the dentist told me he has an “open bite” meaning the canine teeth are average size but because he sucked a pacifier his four front teeth are taking longer to grow down.  They may or they may not, but his permanent teeth look great.  The bottom will come in ok, the top may come in a bit crowded, so he, like his Aunt Tinka will have a palate separator. He picked his prize-a red dinosaur.  he was disappointed no lollipop.  I told him dentists don’t give lollipops, just doctors. They even took a keepsake picture memorializing his first visit!  Here are some cute pictures:

Now, as you all know being the huge Idol fan I am, I had to capture Preston singing the big hit from the auditions, “Pants on the Ground.” So here is Preston!