Friday, November 6, 2009

27 Observations from the 27th World Championship (Even for the Non-Sports Person)

Ok so here comes my gloating::: WE WON! WE WON!!!! You all know I am a Yankees fan, but I really love the Yankees. I love them to the point I cry, I throw things, I curse at the television. I watch from April to October (or in this case November). I loved living in New York and passing the stadium almost daily that by February started counting down to Pitchers and Catchers and then Opening Day. What a season. What a post season. The only horrendous thing about this post season was listening to Joe Buck for the majority of it. ARGH! I thank you all for following me and happily commenting along with me on Facebook. I really did get TMJ and heart palpitations due to this post season. One of my favorite sports writers is Bill Simmons the Sports Guy from ESPN. Although a rabid Boston fan, his 2004 (season we don't really speak of) column of the post season mixed baseball observations with culture of the post season. So I too have a few observations from the World Series....

1. The Verizon Droid "drops" today. Which is a good thing. Apparently the Droid has everything iDon't. I tried looking up the Droid during the series but the website would not load. That can't be a good sign. So since "iDon't" have a million dollars, "iDon't" have a hot rich neurosurgeon husband, will procuring the Droid change that? (And yes, I am perfectly well aware that the "iDon't" refers to the iPhone).

2. That Red Sux fans still have a lot to say when their team is golfing and next year will be severely lacking the majority of their current line up. Which I guess for the Red Sux might turn out to be a good thing, because like I said, their line up got them as far as the closest tropical golf club.

3. Jimmy Rollins must feel like a complete schmuck face. I don't talk trash during the Series. Because I am superstitious. Not in the traditional sense either. I will walk under a ladder with a black cat and not cross my fingers, but I will not post on Facebook or this blog how the opposing team is going down. I will only do this if my team is not playing and I then I will cheer for whomever is playing the Red Sux. It's complicated, but Io believe somehow I will jinx them if I partake in trash talking. Sometimes I even believe if I walk out of the room that helps them. Like CC breathes a bit easier and can pitch without the distraction of me turning various shades of red. But Jimmy shot off his mouth stating how the Phillies would win the Series in five games. Wow Jimmy wow. One station in Philly apparently pre-printed World Series Championship shirts before the first pitch of Game 4. There is a jinx right there. People in third world countries are substituting this tee shirt for the Patriots 19-0 one. Never jinx your team. Apparently when asked about the comment after the Series, he still believes he is on the better team... you know...the one that did not have a parade today.

4. Who boos Derek Jeter? I mean I get A-Rod. I get even to some extent, Andy Pettitte, but Jeter? Everyone loves Jeter. Even guys. I bet you those are the same people who heckle at Little League games, bruising egos of 12 year olds everywhere. And I am also pretty sure Derek Jeter laughs at the boos. Most guys who boo Derek Jeter have a beer gut preventing them from seeing their feet.

5. For 89 cents you can now eat ground dog crap in a crispy black taco shell. Not quite sure exactly what ingredient the black taco shell is made out of. That is taking "thinking outside the bun" to an extreme right there. And speaking of the bun, McDonald's reminded us that for a dollar you can pave your way to coronary artery disease with a double burger or a large fry or a hot apple pie for a buck. The only sandwich that would ever entice me this post season would be one between #2 and #13.

6. Words of wisdom from the buffoons in the broadcast booth: Tim McCarver told us last Saturday to set our clocks back for Daylight Savings Time just to be sure we are not late to the game on Sunday....right...exactly. Let him think he'd be late. Idiot.

7. Further wisdom came from Joe A-Hole who stated on Sunday night that Sunday had been a long day in Philadelphia sports since both the Eagles and Phillies had a game. Evidently New York didn't play football last Sunday. (And figuratively they didn't, but that is neither here nor there). I am perplexed as to why this mattered? Can a person not handle both a football and baseball game in the same day? I am pretty sure this is a feat that can be accomplished with little exertion. Pretty sure us Giants and Jets fans managed, albeit slightly, to fit in three games, the 1 pm, 4 pm and 8pm slot. We may have even gone a bit nuts and at 4 and switched between the Jets and the showdown at Lambeau.

8. American Idol starts in January-two months away from blogging about it again. Did anyone else catch that showing up behind home plate? No? Just me? Whatev...you know you totally watch it.

9. I wonder the tenure of the Wanda Sykes Show? Her time slot kind of sucks. Saturday night on FOX?

10. I did not understand the BlackBerry commercials. I understand the message-"All You Need is Love" plays in the background and you people are inspired. Some garage band gets to tour with the commercial's equivalent of Bon Jovi and apparently one woman was pretty ambitious and decided subway performer was the way to go. But I don't really "get" it. Why did one need a BlackBerry to accomplish these tasks? And if you are just starting out and trying to make it in the world you probably don't need such an intricate phone. I mean if you are rehearsing at 29 still in your parents' garage you might not even have the money to afford a phone bill. Don't get me wrong I love my BlackBerry-it's the closest thing I have to a boyfriend right now, but I am pretty sure it will not help me in my next deposition.

11. Another Joe Buck classic, "And there is monument park. They brought it over from the old stadium across the street." As opposed to what? Destroying it? Why would this NOT come to the new stadium? Let's remind everyone-we JACKHAMMERED up a portion of the new stadium while it was being built because some douche buried a Red Sux jersey in the concrete. We almost publicly caned the guy in Times Square, but you don't think we would bring over the monuments? How in God's name does this man have a job?

12. I heart the AMEX commercials with everyday objects turned into faces. Pretty much the only good commercial...ok and Bud did not disappoint either with the "ways guys say hello" commercial. Love the bro hug, double back tap. You guys totally still do this!

13. I don't think certain people on the Yankees should get a ring. I understand they have to have an active 40 man roster for the World Series, but for heaven's sake you should only get a ring if you contribute. And by contribute I mean actually get on the field at some point and make a half hearted effort. I swear that I saw some dude behind the Core Four during the trophy ceremony that could have been selling beer in the mezzanine during the 7th inning. And then there were people on the floats today-who are you? I watch pretty much every game. And if I don't watch, I read about it and I swear I don't know you. They need to be more selective-those blinging bad boys are not cheap. They should not be handing them out willy nilly.

14. Game 6 almost did not happen because Mary J. Blige sang the "Star Spangled Banner" for 9 minutes. (Wasn't there a Simpsons episode about that? Someone? Anyone?)

15. If law doesn't work out I can get a job as an umpire. The only credentials needed are to semi-pay attention to the game and make up a strike zone. Even the dumb Fox strike zone could not keep up.

16. And what the hell is FOX TRAX? Do we need to know the speed of the ball when it left the pitcher's hand and when it was caught or hit? This isn't frigging physics class. And the other annoyance was in the top right hand corner forever branded was the standing of the series (i.e. Yanks lead series 3-2). Ok we get it. Most of us watching know what the standings are and if not the morons at FOX tell us and why does it need to be there...the....whole...game?

17. Notice I just used the word frigging. That was not the word of choice during the post season. In fact I wish I kept count of how many times I dropped the f bomb and it's many variations. My mother (yes my mother-it's baseball she expects her daughter to become a foul mouthed wench) and my friend Dennis got the brunt. My mother in real time, Dennis via texting during the game. I sent over 1100 texts this month and I am pretty sure most were to Dennis and most contained a word Preston gets a time out for using.

18. Philadelphia has the green fan-atic to get the crowd pumped up. We had Jay-Z and Alicia Keys perform "Empire State." We win that one.

19. If you are a celebrity and are coming to the game at least be a Yankee fan. Seeing Jimmy Fallon occupying a seat that should go to a Yankee fan is just utterly disgraceful.

20. "Who's Your Daddy?" absolutely hands down never, ever gets old.

21. I'm just going to pretend Mariano is going to pitch forever. Because the thought that he won't is just too painful to even think about.

22. Chase Utley and the hair gel. Seriously? Really? I mean why? And if he is dating someone I am really curious as to her thoughts.

23. Charlie Manuel has outlived most of the people in monument park.

24. Listening to Joe Buck and Tim McCarver made me really miss Susan and Sterling. My favorite was the scenario game hosted by Buckface. As the Yankees inched closer to the win and the outs went from 15 to 12 to 9, I listened to Joe get more and more pathetic. He was like the girl in high school chasing after the football jock she had no chance with. It was great. It went something like this..."If they Phillies load up the bases and get to Utley and Utley hits a grand slam they will be within one and then when all else fails, we will bring in Tom Brady. That's right folks! You can't go wrong with Tom Brady! And you know what? If you load up the bases it will be like when Boston played the Yankees and the bases were loaded and Johnny Damon hit a grand slam....but really guys if someone can just break Mo's ankle we have a shot here." Best part of the series, when Buck had to say "And the Yankees are the champions of baseball." (He may have said Red Sux-he's that bitter).

25. Victorino is a very cool last name.

26. Who is with me that they need to obliterate all use of the "CHARGE!" and the accompanying music from all sports arenas?

27. Wal Mart was the first commercial I saw to remind me that Christmas is in seven weeks. AHHHHH!!!!!

We do it all again starting April 5, 2010 at Fenway! CONGRATS YANKEES!


8 comments:

Melissa Swartley said...

Uggghhh!!!! Ok congrats! Seriously good games! I totally jinxed the Phils, way too much hype from last years win, it went to my head... I have got to agree with that Utley comment... what the F is with his hair? Gross! Oh yeah, many F bombs a droppin' at our house this season. Jay Z, not a fan, but Alicia is awesome and I have to admit she is much better than the Fanatic. Did you know that the Spectrum held their (supposedly, we all know how that goes) last show (Pearl Jam, I freaking love them) the same night as the Eagles/ Giants game and the Yankees/ Phillies game that Sunday? I am so glad I was a TV watcher that night, traffic from HELL! I agree RED SUX! Congrats again, your boys played great! Hamels was F'ing horrible in the 6th game! Uggghhh....

The Wymers said...

Thanks for the laugh this morning! :o)

Buck does suck (hey, that could be a killer title for a childrens book), love the comments on Utley. Really, if he's seriously dating anyone - she's most likely in it for the money.

I, too, have no idea what Buck was talking about with Monument Park - I'm not even a Yankee fan (sorry!), and I knew they practically bombed the hell out of the new structure to get that jersey out.

I understand the annoyance at Jimmy Fallon with seats behind the dish, but really - isn't it a little gratifying to know that he has to watch his hated arch-rivals win the series while his team (as you noted) is off playing golf somewhere warm and trying to forget about the season?

Alright - I'll stop commenting now, but please know that I could easily keep right on going! :o)

Rosie said...

Congrats Kim, I really don't watch baseball, but I do watch football.

Unknown said...

Kim, you know me and my extreme lack of sports knowledge, but even an imbecile can tell that you have a serious talent for writing re-caps! Love it!

Greene Family said...

Thanks for the morning laughs!! Congrats! I agree with Emily - you have a serious talent for writing re-caps!

Caden and Mommy said...

Kim~
You are a hoot! And to think of 27 things to recap, amazing! I would stick with the Blackberry! Much better then a man :0)

Anonymous said...

Preston would look much better if he were in a Phillies hat. Be strong Raab it is true. Robert

Mandy said...

I'm not really into baseball, but Congratulations to your Yankees!
Anyway I am having blog troubles. It isn't updating and now it says I have adult content before you enter my blog. I never thought that Andrea's story was rated R. Ugh!
Have you tried deleting my blog from your blog roll then re-adding it?
Just curious if that would work.
Anyhow the blog has been updated again!