American Idol Week 5

I am on such a Glee high right now (best show on television) and I have to get up at the rear end crack of dawn, but here goes!

Elvis night. I am not the biggest Elvis fan of all time, partly because of the Elvis fans that still believe Elvis is alive. That irks me to no end. If he were alive he would not still fit into his white catsuit (that inspired Bedazzler informercials worldwide) and performing on the Strip. HE'S DEAD! LET THE MAN REST FOR PETE'S SAKE!

Adam Lambert was the mentor. Now, you all know I was not the Adam Lambert fan last year, but since Idol I have gone back, in all fairness to Adam and watched many of his performances on YouTube and I stand corrected. The guy was good. He was a performer. And what a kick in the gonads to Kris Allen (and every other Idol winner for that manner). Adam was the one and only Idol contestant invited back as a mentor. Maybe if Kris Allen's song didn't suck so bad...The other thing I liked about Adam was his honesty. He did not sugar coat his advice to the contestants like every single other celeb and mentor has done every season. He was real with them-if he didn't like the performance he would say so. It was a breath of fresh air from the typical, "The have real star potential, they have a great voice." Yada Yada Yada.

Crystal- "Saved" Crystal has a great voice, but I cannot deal still with those dreads. Even more so because my hairdresser told me this weekend how the salon once "cracked open" ( yes cracked open) a dread and she would not even elaborate on what was inside. It's OK, I vomited a little in my mouth as well. And who dresses the contestants? Some people are not meant to wear skin tight clothes. Just saying. I love that Randy still uses the word "dope." It makes me think Randy still has a car equipped with a tape deck to listen to his Kid n' Play albums on the way to the show.
Andrew-"Hound Dog" Ok so I liked his performance. The judges on the other hand hated it. It was here that I was once again reminded why Kara DiaGuardi would be best served off this show and making me hope the show tanks after Simon leaves so she has one less source of income. Her brilliant comment was, "You have to own it. Elvis owned the stage." Right, because Elvis....was...the...king. This is Andrew Garcia. He's not going to own the stage like Elvis would. No more than Mick Jagger can, because Elvis was Elvis, Mick is Mick, Mariah is Mariah. But he tried and he did a good job. The other word Kara needs to ban from her vocab is "swagger." Unless you are rapping on a T.I. joint, you have no business using this word in critiques. And wait, one more "singer/songwriter." UGH. It's her favorite expression. And every time she says it I sit on my hands because I want to impale myself with the writing utensil I use to take notes. Maybe when Andrew gets kicked off he can sing "Straight Up"...acoustically.
Tim "Can't Help Falling In Love." I am just going to pretend Ryan did not call him "TUrban." I wonder how long Ryan thought that one up- maybe during his radio show, or TV show, or red carpet appearance, or as Dick Clark's long lost son-whatever it was it was bad. Tim on the other hand has gone from train wreck to smooth sailing (Kate Gosslein, for the record, is still God awful on DWTS).
Lee- "Little Less Conversation" How good is Lee? I just love Lee so much. Enough said. He's my fave.
Aaron- "Blue Suede Shoes" I want to buy Aaron a teddy bear after each performance. He is just so darn lovable. Even in his dad's borrowed Members Only jacket tonight. I have to say I love how Simon says "frustrating." It's frus-TRATE-ing. I need to ask Chris if Anna says it this way. I have never noticed if my sister in law says it that way, but I think i am going to start using the Brit version in my everyday life. It will go great with my New York accent.
Siobhan- "Suspicious Minds" I thought she did amazing. Despite her 80 year old woman wash n' style hair. You know the style. It's when you get to the point in your life where you go to the beauty salon (that's what you call it when you are elderly) and have your hair washed and set and it stays like that for five days until you return. And at night you sleep in a hair net. It will happen one day. And then I will enter a home and Mel proves her friendship and smothers me with a pillow. I love that Siobhan stood up to the judges. Because listening to the four of them sometimes is like listening to someone with severe schizophrenia, "You blew it out the box, you are like a banana, you are a singer/songwriter, you are the one to beat to dude it's just not working for me, i loved the scream, now not so much, I don't know who you are as a person and you sound like you are singing at a wedding on a cruise ship on a karaoke machine in the lounge." AHHHHH! So you go Siobhan!

It was this point in the show Ryan reminded us that next week is Idol Gives Back. He told us that Brian Dunkleman would host as well. He was kidding. I would not have done this had I been Ryan. I have always pictured Dunkleman as Steve Buscemi in Billy Madison with a list on his wall, with Ryan Seacrest at the very top. Dunkleman is polishing his rifle.

Big Mike "In the Ghetto" Big Mike was saved last week-which was ridiculous really. I mean he will probably be gone this week along with Andrew. The Judge Save is ridiculous in and of itself. This is because Daughtry was kicked off the show. Meanwhile it was a life changer for him. Now the Judge's Save has ensured that getting kicked off will not make you as profitable to them as keeping you on. Anyway, just want you all to know, Mike does not live in the ghetto. Astoria Queens is not the ghetto. Go check the rental prices there on a 750 square foot apartment.
Katie- "Baby Whatcha Want from Me?" Which is very similar in title to Adam's "Whadaya Want from Me?" She has a really strong voice for a 17 year old, but I cannot picture her as the Idol.
Casey "Lordy, Ms. Claudy"This is a song I have never heard. I am not even sure I have the title correct and I am too tired to Google it. Anyway, despite his Joe Biden insipid smile, Casey was really good. There is an advantage to dating someone like Casey. You'd have double ponytail holders, because I don't know about you guys, but those suckers disappear. I can buy them by the 50 pack and they are all gone at the end of the month.

Anyway my picks to go home are Big Mike and Andrew.