Bachelorette Episode 3

I know, I know. I am SO behind. This past week just got away from me, but they do say better late than never right?

This episode started with Emily at home. It's just SO REAL! I mean her mom comes over to her home, serves her breakfast in bed...on a tray! Isn't that every 26 year old? Speaking of 26, don't get me wrong Emily is a perfect 10. I can admit it. But she looks much older than 26. I'm just saying.

Her first indy date was with Bizarro Gerard Butler Bobblehead Guy....or Chris. They go walking in downtown Charlotte. Clearly this date is so set up. There is NO ONE on the streets of Charlotte while they are walking. It's more desolate than the Will Smith in the beginning of I Am Legend. Then the date starts getting real. They get to the tallest building in Charlotte and in order to have dinner on the roof they have to CLIMB up the building. Here's where I'm out. Considering they don't even eat the dinner anyway, why would one climb a building? I am DEATHLY afraid of heights. So I would forfeit the steak atop the roof. Second they added drama with the thunder and lightening. How is climbing up a building a tell tale sign of love? Of course Bobblehead said with love you have to climb to the top or some other metaphor to try to justify this ridiculousness. My parents have been married since 1976. They never scaled any buildings. Their love made it. Of course they eventually, through tears, made it to the top for "dinner." Emily took two sips of wine. Bobblehead drank nothing. That was the extent of dinner. Maybe the filet mignons on their plate were fake-like the fake food you see in Ethan Allen when shopping for furniture. The other thing I don't understand is the interviews during the dates. When are these done? Are Emily and Bobblehead pulled out at certain intervals to give a "how's it going?" I need answers for that one. Bobblehead also told Emily that just because he's 25 doesn't mean he's not a man. I mean after all he's been on his own since 17 when he left home! Right...that's called going off to college.

The best part of this date, at least for me, was the impromptu Luke Bryan concert. I wish Emily could give Luke a rose. At least we can be serenaded and look at Luke for the next couple of weeks. Really this was the only part of the date I cared about...or any other woman watching this show.

Group date was awesome. This just was the best. Emily has her "friends" meet the guys. Clearly Emily is the hottest of her friends by 100 miles. One of her desperate housewife mommies was so enthralled with Sean I thought she was going to go all Fifty Shades of Grey on him right on national TV. Wonder how that went in her house when the episode aired? Or if her husband even cared? OR was away on a business trip with his secretary? But I digress. The other thing this date did for me was solidify my intuition that Ryan is a LOSER. First of all they start out the date throwing around a football and he comes running over to help her. I'd love some guy to start telling me about football. That would be great. He also asked her if she gave a stiff arm last night to Bobblehead. Right then and there I would run unnecessary roughness on Ryan. Ryan also came up and ran interference with her and her girlfriends. This guy is a jerk. Also while running interference he told Emily he would leave her if she ever gained weight. Coming from the guy with the sideways Ryan Seacrest hair style. There is a word for this guy but I will refrain on a public forum.

Arie is the second indy date. They went to Dolly-Wood. Arie said it was like no other theme park he had ever seen. Perhaps because there was no one there. It was like a real life Wally World. I also laughed that Emily climbed a building, but was scared of the roller coaster. Really. Dolly Parton showed up. Emily was genuinely surprised. I enjoyed her little love song to Emily and Arie. It was cute. I also think it was cool that Emily got to have a one-on-one chat about love with Dolly. I am a fan of Arie. He is chill. The antithesis of loser Ryan who I hate more and more after each fast forwarded commercial break.

We saw Alessadnro go home. His conversation to Emily was more confusing than my junior year math class when numbers were substituted with letters. Tony also left because he was having a rough time being away from his son. Poor Emily had to only send one guy home, Stevie, when in reality there were two more that would have been shown the door-Ryan (ugh seriously this guy is SUCH a loser) and Kalon, who informed Emily she is not to interrupt him. Emily should have thrown Travis' ostrich egg at Kalon. Stay tuned for more goodness tonight!