Bachelorette Episode 3

I know, I know. I am SO behind. This past week just got away from me, but they do say better late than never right?

This episode started with Emily at home. It's just SO REAL! I mean her mom comes over to her home, serves her breakfast in bed...on a tray! Isn't that every 26 year old? Speaking of 26, don't get me wrong Emily is a perfect 10. I can admit it. But she looks much older than 26. I'm just saying.

Her first indy date was with Bizarro Gerard Butler Bobblehead Guy....or Chris. They go walking in downtown Charlotte. Clearly this date is so set up. There is NO ONE on the streets of Charlotte while they are walking. It's more desolate than the Will Smith in the beginning of I Am Legend. Then the date starts getting real. They get to the tallest building in Charlotte and in order to have dinner on the roof they have to CLIMB up the building. Here's where I'm out. Considering they don't even eat the dinner anyway, why would one climb a building? I am DEATHLY afraid of heights. So I would forfeit the steak atop the roof. Second they added drama with the thunder and lightening. How is climbing up a building a tell tale sign of love? Of course Bobblehead said with love you have to climb to the top or some other metaphor to try to justify this ridiculousness. My parents have been married since 1976. They never scaled any buildings. Their love made it. Of course they eventually, through tears, made it to the top for "dinner." Emily took two sips of wine. Bobblehead drank nothing. That was the extent of dinner. Maybe the filet mignons on their plate were fake-like the fake food you see in Ethan Allen when shopping for furniture. The other thing I don't understand is the interviews during the dates. When are these done? Are Emily and Bobblehead pulled out at certain intervals to give a "how's it going?" I need answers for that one. Bobblehead also told Emily that just because he's 25 doesn't mean he's not a man. I mean after all he's been on his own since 17 when he left home! Right...that's called going off to college.

The best part of this date, at least for me, was the impromptu Luke Bryan concert. I wish Emily could give Luke a rose. At least we can be serenaded and look at Luke for the next couple of weeks. Really this was the only part of the date I cared about...or any other woman watching this show.

Group date was awesome. This just was the best. Emily has her "friends" meet the guys. Clearly Emily is the hottest of her friends by 100 miles. One of her desperate housewife mommies was so enthralled with Sean I thought she was going to go all Fifty Shades of Grey on him right on national TV. Wonder how that went in her house when the episode aired? Or if her husband even cared? OR was away on a business trip with his secretary? But I digress. The other thing this date did for me was solidify my intuition that Ryan is a LOSER. First of all they start out the date throwing around a football and he comes running over to help her. I'd love some guy to start telling me about football. That would be great. He also asked her if she gave a stiff arm last night to Bobblehead. Right then and there I would run unnecessary roughness on Ryan. Ryan also came up and ran interference with her and her girlfriends. This guy is a jerk. Also while running interference he told Emily he would leave her if she ever gained weight. Coming from the guy with the sideways Ryan Seacrest hair style. There is a word for this guy but I will refrain on a public forum.

Arie is the second indy date. They went to Dolly-Wood. Arie said it was like no other theme park he had ever seen. Perhaps because there was no one there. It was like a real life Wally World. I also laughed that Emily climbed a building, but was scared of the roller coaster. Really. Dolly Parton showed up. Emily was genuinely surprised. I enjoyed her little love song to Emily and Arie. It was cute. I also think it was cool that Emily got to have a one-on-one chat about love with Dolly. I am a fan of Arie. He is chill. The antithesis of loser Ryan who I hate more and more after each fast forwarded commercial break.

We saw Alessadnro go home. His conversation to Emily was more confusing than my junior year math class when numbers were substituted with letters. Tony also left because he was having a rough time being away from his son. Poor Emily had to only send one guy home, Stevie, when in reality there were two more that would have been shown the door-Ryan (ugh seriously this guy is SUCH a loser) and Kalon, who informed Emily she is not to interrupt him. Emily should have thrown Travis' ostrich egg at Kalon. Stay tuned for more goodness tonight!

The Bachelorette-That Got me Going

I have taken a break from blogging for a couple of reasons. It was not until last night, when I started watching this season of The Bachelorette that I felt this overwhelming, compelling need to blog. The show was just too easy; there was just too much to say that I have succumbed to blogging about this ridiculous guilty pleasure of mine. I admit it, I am a sucker for this show along with its evil partner in crime, The Bachelor. I watch it. Since the very first season while in law school, every Monday with my friend Kathy. Watched when Alex picked Amanda over Trista. I know virtually no one makes it to the alter, they are broken up by the time the "After the Final Rose" show airs (after the tear filled engagement aired just moments earlier). Doesn't matter. I watch. Since I didn't blog Idol this year and Brandie in my office has repeatedly reminded me my blog is stuck on March, I figured...why not?

Let's start off by saying while I blog I will feature many reasons why I could never be the bachelorette. Now, if ABC allowed me to be the bachelorette (assuming that I was still single of course), I would have a list of stipulations. The first would be Chris Harrison would not be allowed to tell us during the rose ceremony, "Guys, this is the final rose of the evening...Kim, when you're ready." This would not be allowed. No one, not even some of the tools picked as potential suitors, needs Chris to tell us there is one more rose left for the evening. The second reason I could not be the bachelorette is because I'm picky. I'd pick the guy I liked probably after the first cocktail party and have to be saddled going on dates where I had to hike through a meadow with some guy who I could not stomach to look at. (More on hiking through a meadow in future blogs). Every season of this show, I am waiting for the girl to turn to Chris and say, "Really? 25 guys from all over the United States and this is the motley crew you found? Really? Come the hell on! Let me see those you struck." So if I were the bachelorette half these guys would be sent directly back to the limo and driven right off the estate. Poor Emily had at least a half dozen if not more that you know she couldn't wait to kick off faster than I'd shut off a Patriots/Eagles Super Bowl.

Emily's Potential Suitors:

To highlight a few of the bachelors the producers picked so well:

1) The guy whose name is like John, (or whatever) and goes by "Wolf." He'd be gone for that alone. No self-proclaimed animal/super hero/ninja warrior names. Wolf? Really? Why? It's not as if he even had any distinguishing features that made him resemble a wolf, such as piercing eyes or sharp teeth. He's also in "data deconstruction." I'm pretty sure we are all in data deconstruction....it's called deleting e-mails. NEXT.

2) Chris the guy with the bobbleheads. Emily told Chris he is super good looking. Chris reminds me as a cross between Gerard Butler (who is good looking) and Ryan Stiles (that goofy guy from the Drew Carey Show) (not hot). And the fact that he had pre-made bobbleheads is just plain spooky. And then they played with them. No really. They played with the bobbleheads of Emily and Chris. Creepy.

3) Travis the guy with the ostrich egg. I really don't even have words for this. Other than Travis would be sent back to the limo.

4) I can't recall who said they were Prince Charming and brought Emily a shoe on a slipper. Nothing like bringing a clear, plastic stripper heel as a first impression.

5) Some other guy got down and romanced her with the oh so original line of, "life is not measured by the breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away." Cute...not original. I have that saying on a painted board in my master bathroom.

6) The guy in the costume. I would have not even permitted him out of the limo.

7) Jef (with one "f" for coolness I suppose), who rode in on a skateboard holding on to the limo. He looks fifteen. His hair is very Brandon Walsh. He is an "entrepreneur" which in Bachelor/ette lingo is "looking for gainful employment." He then threw his skateboard. Easy Tony Hawk.

8) Arie, or who I like to refer to as Lightening McQueen. Of course they had to get in the race car driver. Nothing like making her dig up and face the demons of her dead fiance.

9)Alessandro-from Brazil but who lives in Milwaukee...or Minneapolis. And who has no accent. Not to be confused with...

10) Alejandro-the mushroom farmer. Really? I feel like Chandler Bing in Friends again...."So many comments." A mushroom farmer? And every time she says Alejandro Emily uses a fake accent. The trill and everything. It's like A-Rod who pretends to speak Spanish for the YES Network's ad for watching Yankee games in SAP. Please. Although every time she says Alejandro, I start singing Lady Gaga.

11) Brent, the guy with six kids. He got sent home. And he cried about it. Dude, you have six kids. You should be crying about how much college tuition you will be paying, rather than not getting a rose.

12) Jean Paul or Jean Luc or Jean Michel-whatever. He compared not getting a rose to his divorce. Again...really? I'm pretty sure the attorney fee from said divorce was much more painful.

13) Michael-or who I like to call the wannabee Ashton Kutcher from his Punk'd days.

14) Kalon-helicopter dude. This guy is terrible. There is no other way to describe it. He almost got into a fight with Doug (the single father who I am routing for to win). Pretty sure Kalon was thinking, "Whatever dude, I have a whirly bird." Pretty sure Doug was thinking, "Dude I have two arms the size of Firestone truck tires so let's go."

15) Stevie-the MC. Who came in with a boom box. I think he mc'ed my Sweet 16. He also has gelled hair and I think is channeling his inner Jersey Shore.

Episode 2-First date was with Ryan. The girls at the office like Ryan. I am not a fan. I hate his haircut. It reminds me of when Preston went to one of those places where you sit in a jeep and watch Thomas DVDs and the people who cut your child's hair don't have a cosmetology license and he came out with the Dumb and Dumber haircut. That's Ryan's hair. This date was baking at Emily's house (you know...the house bought by the dead fiance's very wealthy parents). They were baking cookies because Emily was snack mom. Emily managed to make all of us that run to Costco and buy Goldfish and 100 Calorie packs for soccer feel slightly inadequate. I was waiting for her to bring out the juicer, but she got the juice boxes like the rest of us normal moms.

If I was the bachelorette this is the type of date I would be doing. Except mine would be even more real. Like get up at the crack of dawn because your kid has to be woken up several (12) times before he gets out of bed, shower him, finish up last night's homework, pack lunch, grab baseball gear, run said child to before care, drop off cupcakes to the school, run to court, go to work, go to baseball game, come home, do homework, do bath, do a story, watch Bachelorette. Then wash, rinse repeat. Oh and then hang out for the weekend. Because those bring with it Saturday mornings of changing sheets, doing laundry, food shopping, dry cleaners, more baseball, play dates, etc. Rappelling down a waterfall? Helicopter over an exploding volcano on an island that no one knows exist? Candlelight dinner on the Great Fricken Wall? Oh no no no. Target and Kroger baby. If it gets really exciting there is a dinner out to Chick-Fil-A. Now marry me with that 4.5 carat Neil Lane diamond you didn't even buy! In any event, Ryan got a rose. He reminds her a little of Brad, you know the bachelor that she ended up dumping. But whatever. They also went to a restaurant. Why in these shows do they never eat? They show up, table is set, food out, candles lit, one obligatory sip of wine and the Inquisition commences. That is not a date. I eat on a date. In fact I'm surprised DJ took me out a second time the way I shoveled food in my mouth the first time we met. You're at a restaurant, you eat. The last thing that drove me nuts was the "impromptu" performance by Gloriana. First of all, this is a new song the Highway XM station is pushing as their Highway Find. After this episode I'm sure it's on the Nashville top 30 live. Well played Gloriana. Well played.

Date 2-Joe. They went to West Virginia (pausing so you can hum, "Take me Home, Country Roads"-you know you are). They went to the Greenbrier. According to Emily it is the home of horse back riding, spas, and golf. Or for me, The Virginia Trial Lawyer's Association 2012 hot spot. It is gorgeous. I didn't see the love clock when we were there. But Joe did. He even wrote a message and put it in. How he hopes to come back with Emily, her daughter and her parents. Two minutes later he was being kicked off the show. A darn shame because he didn't get to eat his meal (shocker). And the food at the Greenbrier is ridiculously good.

I'm not even commenting on the group date. I actually fast forwarded through that part. So next week we see where the drama continues. Stay tuned......

March Already

This year has just been flying by.  A few recent goings on: Preston had his first 100 day of School Celebration.  I’m yet to understand why this is so important, but I do know we counted out 100 Q-Tips and 100 Captain Crunch pieces for the occasion.  I don’t really get it.  I wish I did, but I digress.  In any event on that date he celebrated with my mom and I at Five Guys.

He also celebrated his friend Billy’s Science themed birthday party.  Billy’s mom Trish and I met through the boys being on the same soccer team.  She’s from Jersey so naturally we got along great! Billy has a younger brother Sean-the three of them get along really great. 

This past weekend we were up in Maryland.  DJ found a great bbq place by him; Red, Hot and Blue.  The kids couldn’t pass up a picture with the King:

Last night DJ rented Real Steel for the boys since The Lorax was completely sold out.  Very cute movie (to the tune of me actually thinking there was robot underground wrestling-which is so on DJ who was very convincing). DJ and I also watched Contagion this weekend; not a good movie for a complete and utter hypochondriac like myself.  I was riveted yet now scared to ever touch a doorknob and solidified that I won’t be doing any foreign travel in the near future.  Idol has picked their Top 12 and I must decide if I will be blogging come Wednesday night.  I’ll keep you posted.

Big Apple Trip

This weekend marked the first Raab/Lapanne trip to NYC.  DJ and the boys had never been and it was completely unacceptable to me; clearly I cannot continue to date someone who has not experienced the greatest city in the world.  Friday night the boys were more than excited to hit the road-all sugared up and ready to go!!!

Less than one hour later…somewhere around Baltimore…..

We woke them all up around Newark so they could get my night tour-George Washington Bridge, West Side Highway, through the park, down 86th Street, FDR Drive and over the Brooklyn Bridge.  We stayed at the Brooklyn Marriott Downtown.  Next day marked the beginnings of the tourist adventure (that’s right Preston has never really done the tourist thing at all either).  The subway into Grand Central and then to 38th and 3rd for real (hot) bagels and tri-color cookies. (thanks Josh for the suggestion)!

Then it was off to the Empire State Building.  A very long line (and as the kids complained I thought…hmmm, there goes the Disney idea…)and almost $100 bucks later, we were at the top.  I am DEATHLY afraid of heights so I don’t look down.  The kids thought it was awesome.  Preston got a kick out of seeing every landmark he knew from that high up.

Seeing the Freedom Tower going up brings with it mixed emotions.  But it is nice to see the rebuilding down at the WTC site.

Very ridiculous touristy picture that was overpriced, but too cute not to get:

We walked down 5th Avenue to see the NY Public Library. Then it was pizza in Times Square, Toys R Us and the M&M Store. 

Saturday night Charlie joined us for dinner at Angelos in Little Italy. 

Sunday morning, Katie, Steve and Charlie and Charlie’s friends Chris and Lisa joined us at Big Daddy’s for brunch.  There was even a balloon man there to entertain the kids.  We ended the day making sure we took home some goodies from my fave---Two Little Red Hens!!!  Thankfully now DJ understands what a real bagel is, real Italian food is and we can continue this relationship! ;-)

Valentine’s Weekend (Christmas Part Duex)

As I stated on Facebook, there are three men that make Valentine's special. The first is my steady Valentin, my father, who loves me despite my very minimal flaws. He is the man by which all men should be measured. I love you Daddy. The second is my monkey face, Preston. He has always been Mommy's steady Valentine as well. I will never turn down his kisses and hugs. Preston, Mommy loves you forever and ever and more than anything in this world. The third, is the man who came into my life by fate and who has opened my heart and taught me to love. DJ, you not only have become the man I love and my partner in crime, but you have given me two more crazy boys to love too. I look forward to our life together. I love you more than you know. This weekend marked Valentine’s Day again. Here are the V Day bags all made up (DJ’s, my mom’s and the three boys).

Saturday night DJ and I did our Valentine’s dinner at Tobacco Company. Of course we get there and they were going to sit us next to an infant. Yeah….three kids between us…not with us…not sitting near another. We were switched to another table. It was also the most frigid night in Richmond of the winter. Sunday morning I slept in while DJ not only fed Pres, but made me breakfast in bed. Heart him! Monday I left for work before he left for the week. I came home to this surprise!

The Snoopy was for Pres.

Tuesday Preston was my date to the new Mexican restaurant that just opened up. Then it was home to exchange our gifts to each other. He made me a card that said his heart gets big when he eats dinner with his mom. Love this kid. He also had a bag waiting for me tonight at Grandma’s. (Who is finally home from NY)!

I volunteered to make cupcakes for the school party. I also had a deposition in Virginia Beach that night. Kelly picked up Preston and when I got to her house she had made the cupcakes. I only had to ice them and decorate!!!! Kelly thank you!!!

And no holiday is complete without a bag from grandma!!!

The Recent Goings On

Um..the GIANTS ARE SUPER BOWL CHAMPS.  Again.  New England is a miserable place I’m sure today.  I am sooooo happy.  Maybe now Eli can get a little respect.  Here are some recent pictures:

 

He was fighting a cold. Because the school won’t allow Chapstick, and Heaven forbid we use a tissue. Why would you when you have sleeves?  So that led to two big bloody scabs under the nose. Ugh.  But he’s still happy.  And DJ’s pancake tower made him even happier.

A recent fall playing tug of war on concrete (instead of playing on the more obviously safe choice, the grass). Again, happy. This past weekend we were up in Maryland.  Pres and Caden have become Frick and Frack. 

For those that read my Idol blog, you know I was a HUGE GN’R fan back in the day.  Cannot pass up an opportunity to take a picture with Slash…even if he is a cardboard cut out. Noah tried jambalaya and liked it too!

 

And even though I had no make up on and it was late, cannot pass up posting our Super Bowl picture. Did I mention the Giants won?

January Happenings

I have been a huge blog slacker.  I guess I will pick  up again once American Idol gets into Hollywood Week.  January is almost over…about 1.5 months away from Spring here in the RVA…although I cannot complain, this winter has been fabulous.  What are some things Pres and I have been up to…. Well he kicked off the new year with the Cruz’ and even stayed up until midnight with his buddy Robert!  He really enjoyed spending time with Ms. Sandy and the crew.  Which allowed mommy and DJ to spend the evening in DC.  After a seven course meal (so yum) we partied with his friends and then spent the night at the Fairfax in Dupont Circle.  It was such a fun New Year’s Eve.  Happy 2012 (25 days late).

Pres spent some time with Grandma and PaPa in Carytown.  He was excited to be picked up from Minnieland early and what is that in Mr. Preston’s hand…hmmm….someone “suckered” grandma….Just a side note on this trip my parents went into the grocery store.  Preston insisted on buying me a red pepper for my salad.  He even felt them all to make sure he was getting a good one.  I love this kid.

Preston’s new found love is Angry Birds.  He is forever asking my mom and I to play our phones. Even trips to the grocery store include game time.

By the way, he was so engrossed in Angry Birds, that he was sitting on my bread.  He is becoming quite a little reader.  I am impressed that halfway through kindergarten his writing and reading are coming along great!

Katie and Steve took off to Arizona to visit Chris and Anna.  Chris and Katie ran the Phoenix Half Marathon-and they both beat their PR (personal record).  It was awesome because Steve signed up to get their times at different points texted to his phone.  We were able to get updates here in VA. Go Raabs!

Oh the Giants are in the Super Bowl.  Preston had faith-here he is during the Packers/Giants play off game.  The only thing wrong with this picture is DJ insists on wearing his Redskin shirt despite the fact they are not in the playoffs.  I keep calling him a bitter man. Here’s my little Eli staking his ground.  Pres insisted on staying up Sunday night to watch them beat the 49er’s.  He told me, “Mom, the game is tied 17-17.  I have to watch.”  How can I argue?  I was so proud I almost cried.

Preston had his artwork on display at Barnes and Noble (or No-balls as he says it).  I was quite impressed with my little Picasso!

This past weekend DJ and I took the boys bowling.  And after adding up what it cost to bowl plus eat I vomited a little.  I dread thinking of what Disney must cost.  I mean it’s a tad absurd that a Sunday afternoon activity requires refinancing your home.  Just saying.  Preston was hysterical.  His fingers don’t fit into the holes so he was rolling the balls.  He had a blast with Caden and Noah.  Of course it became a competition as I wanted to win.  DJ and my scores are a tad pathetic considering we were bowling with rails up.  The PBA tour is certainly not in our immediate future.

 

And nothing is cuter than this picture-all watching National Geographic sea creatures.  Have a great week everyone!